Day 3

Want to hear something interesting? When I was a Buddhist, I was never embarrassed to carry around Buddhist texts or literature. I would walk into class, plop the books down right next to me on my desk or podium and begin my lecture. I didn't care if people knew I was Buddhist or even if they criticized it. I've only been a Catholic (and Christian) for three days now and already I have felt embarrassed about carrying around my bulky Bible.

Why is that?

Some might say that since Buddhism is very far removed from the what is typically considered part of American religiosity, that I used it as a way to appear more interesting, thoughtful or unique. Ordinary people often try things like that to get more attention. That is not an unusual trait for people and it's not that unusual for me, either. I wouldn't go so far as saying that I intentionally sought out unconventional styles of living though. I think it's more that some things simply suit me better than others. I don't think it's that, though. No. I think that it's much more simple.

I've never liked the demeanor of overtly charismatic Christians. Most people don't. Last night in class, I pulled out my Bible in order to get my laptop out of my bag. A student saw it and casually grimaced. No one ever did so when I pulled out very clearly marked Buddhist texts. What is about Christianity that repels people like me and that student?


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I guess the best way to start this is by saying that I am not a biblical scholar. In fact, I am just the opposite. It's for that reason that I believe my interpretation to be somewhat unique. I am approaching this month with almost no solid experience. The emotions I feel when reading the Bible are not soiled by years of indoctrination or clear denominational biases. So, before your so inclined to start criticizing my emotional responses to the Bible, remember that I am approaching this with no agenda or framing. I am simply wading in the waters and relaying my honest responses to you.


As of right now, I have finished Matthew, Mark and Luke. I'm in the middle of John. There is no denying the good messages. I like a lot of what I'm reading. Matthew, however, scares me a bit. He's full of threats and insults.

"Do not judge others, so that God will not judge you, for God will judge you in the same way you judge others, and he will apply to you the same rules you apply to others". -Matthew 7: 1-2

Alright. I'm okay with this. It's very karmic. I certainly shouldn't be judging others, but why does God need to seek revenge on me if I do? After all, Matthew 5: 38-42 tells me to not to take revenge on someone who wrongs me. Why can't God live by his own words? Luke (Luke 6: 29-30) is much more subtle, but still allows God to be hypocritical. This is all very frustrating to me.


I've spent the last few nights sitting quietly in bed, eagerly reading the Bible. Last night, my wife asked what I was going to do before bed and I replied, "Read the Bible." Just saying those words made me feel more spiritually connected to Christianity, but then I begin to read and I don't feel good at all. I feel threatened, guilty and faced with a reality that seems impossible to adhere to. In fact, I've been called a "hypocrite" by Matthew several times already. I don't think he likes me.


When disciplining naughty or misbehaving children, what is the best method? Should I shout, scare or threaten them? Or should I get down to their level and relate to them? The Christian god clearly prefers to keep very tight control of his people as he assumes them all to be evil, sinful monsters. To me, it seems God is the reason that Christians get a bad wrap. Too many of them preach in an all-or-nothing manner because they learn it from him.


Of course, there were some good things that I stumbled across. Forgiveness is huge part of Christianity and that is a spectacular message to push. I have very few people in my life that I actually need to forgive, so I'm lucky. What I'm going to be wondering tomorrow is this simple question:

Do I need to be seeking forgiveness from others that I have wronged? Is it confession time?
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Also, this week has been VERY busy for me, but I'm all caught up now. Expect me to get back on the normal posting schedule tomorrow. I have a lot to share.