This morning, I was getting ready to head to work with the wife and she mentioned that she was out of cash and needed to swing by an ATM. No problem, there are tons of ATM's between the house and the office. We dropped by the closest one and withdrew a hundred bucks. I don't know how other marriages work, but in my case, I earn the majority of the money and spend the minority. In fact, I don't even know where the money goes most of the time. We're not big spenders anyways, so I assume it's safe.
So today, like many before it, my wife got the cash and divvied it up. She usually needs more and so she'll often take sixty or even seventy percent of the pull. I have no problem with that. Today, however, I got ten bucks. It wasn't a punishment or a statement by her, though. Since I started this project, my daily expenditure is essentially zero. I eat breakfast and lunch at home and that's it. I don't eat dinner or munch on snacks. I don't buy coffee or candy, either. I don't have to ride the bus or train, nor do I have to take cab rides.
This was unforeseen for me. I didn't think that I'd be saving cash as a Buddhist. I mean, I knew my booze and cigarette expenses would disappear, but I didn't fathom this low-level of spending. Unforeseen yes, but totally crucial to the whole process. You see, ridding myself of earthly desires is easy to say, but harder to do. However, when you are forced to sacrifice everything that requires money, it becomes quite simple to go without.
I have ten dollars in my wallet. How long will it last?
4/7/10
4/6/10
Day 6
So, this is my sixth day on this journey and honestly, I don't know what the outcome is going to be or how many times my intentions and reasoning for continuing this project will change. The original concept was that I had realized how selfish and petty I had become and I wanted to rid myself of such behavior. One of the keys to using religion was that it required sacrifice. And sacrifice I have down.
First of all, I supposed to abstain from profanity, so I can't get too worked-up on this post, but let's go down my list of ethics, shall we?
Starting with...
1. I undertake to abstain from causing harm and taking life (both human and non-human).
In other words, no animal flesh and killin'. I haven't intentionally killed anything except for mosquitoes since I was a little boy, so that's no big deal. In fact, I had a really emotional experience when I was 13 that made killing pretty much impossible for me. I was canoeing in Canada -just north of Minnesota- and was sitting by myself on a rocky embankment in the sun. It was and still is one of the most beautiful and tranquil places I've ever been in my life. The rock bluffs, calm clear water and wide blue skies still are clearly etched in my memory. While I was pondering whatever it is that a 13 year old ponders, a lonely ant scampered out of a narrow crack in the rock and made its way over to where I was sitting. He fearlessly marched towards me.
Being the intrepid naturalist that I was back then, I placed my hand in his direct path hoping he would hop on for a ride. He didn't though. He stopped just short of my pinky. He didn't turn away or look for an alternate route like every other insect tends to do, he just that there, staring me down. I moved my hand. He followed it. This game continued for awhile until I decided that he needed my help (remember: I was 13). Eventually, we decided that I should build him a protective wall around the crack that he surfaced from and together, we went to work; I got the supplies and built the wall and he acted like the foreman.
Just as the project was finally coming together, I lost track of him. I thought he might have gone back into the crack while I was collecting tiny twigs and moss, so I decided to halt work until I located him. While searching for him, I lost my balance a bit and thrust my hand on the stone to catch myself. I heard a little cracking sound, so I lifted my palm. There, on my hand, was the broken corpse of my ant; his helpless body crushed under the careless weight of my 13-year old hand. I cried. Out loud, right there on that island in middle of a lake, I sobbed for the loss of life. It was a life that didn't need to be lost; a life that could have been much longer. Still, fourteen years later, I lament that day.
I haven't eaten meat now in seven days. I don't miss it, nor do I crave it.
First of all, I supposed to abstain from profanity, so I can't get too worked-up on this post, but let's go down my list of ethics, shall we?
Starting with...
1. I undertake to abstain from causing harm and taking life (both human and non-human).
In other words, no animal flesh and killin'. I haven't intentionally killed anything except for mosquitoes since I was a little boy, so that's no big deal. In fact, I had a really emotional experience when I was 13 that made killing pretty much impossible for me. I was canoeing in Canada -just north of Minnesota- and was sitting by myself on a rocky embankment in the sun. It was and still is one of the most beautiful and tranquil places I've ever been in my life. The rock bluffs, calm clear water and wide blue skies still are clearly etched in my memory. While I was pondering whatever it is that a 13 year old ponders, a lonely ant scampered out of a narrow crack in the rock and made its way over to where I was sitting. He fearlessly marched towards me.
Being the intrepid naturalist that I was back then, I placed my hand in his direct path hoping he would hop on for a ride. He didn't though. He stopped just short of my pinky. He didn't turn away or look for an alternate route like every other insect tends to do, he just that there, staring me down. I moved my hand. He followed it. This game continued for awhile until I decided that he needed my help (remember: I was 13). Eventually, we decided that I should build him a protective wall around the crack that he surfaced from and together, we went to work; I got the supplies and built the wall and he acted like the foreman.
Just as the project was finally coming together, I lost track of him. I thought he might have gone back into the crack while I was collecting tiny twigs and moss, so I decided to halt work until I located him. While searching for him, I lost my balance a bit and thrust my hand on the stone to catch myself. I heard a little cracking sound, so I lifted my palm. There, on my hand, was the broken corpse of my ant; his helpless body crushed under the careless weight of my 13-year old hand. I cried. Out loud, right there on that island in middle of a lake, I sobbed for the loss of life. It was a life that didn't need to be lost; a life that could have been much longer. Still, fourteen years later, I lament that day.
I haven't eaten meat now in seven days. I don't miss it, nor do I crave it.
4/5/10
Day 5
After 49 days of deep meditation, Siddhartha Gautama became “Buddha”. Before that he was a defunct former-prince searching for an exsistence free of luxury and excess. He had been shielded from human suffering his whole life and had no concept of what life was or how the human condition actually felt. He tried many paths --including total asceticism and self-mortification, but those proved too extreme for his body and spirit. So one day, he plopped down under a Bodhi tree and refused to get up until he had found “the Truth”. He rose nearly two-months later enlightened and became the de facto leader of a movement that would sweep the world for millennia to come.
The cornerstone of Buddhism is the ability to meditate; to separate one’s mind, body and spirit from this world and reach a more serene, tranquil state where the pettiness and cycles of human life do not consume precious energy and thought. There are different goals to for meditating as well. For instance, samatha meditation focuses on the ability to focus single-pointedly whereas vippassana meditation is aimed at comprehension of a true reality. Regardless of the types, the history and the importance, I have to admit that I’m having a hard time grasping meditation.
I try, though. I try every night and every morning to reach a state of pure relaxation and I’m having a hard time doing it. I won’t stop trying; it’s too important for the religion. I want to discuss some of my frustrations with it though.
Meditation has been popularized, westernized and secularized. My original conceptions of meditation all include American comedies from the 1990’s where silly characters apparently drifted into the meditative world and were shown either floating above the clouds or, in Jim Carrey’s case in Ace Venture 2: When Nature Calls, in a ghost-like state hovering around a temple, shouting at monks. This, of course, is totally fine for movies, but it has certainly created a faux-expectation for how this process works and what the end-result should be.
I’m reading piles of Buddhists texts and literature; adhering to my ethics; worshiping as prescribed and living within the restrictive mold that is required of me, but when it’s time to sit down and meditate, I’m still not reaching the relaxed state I should be. One might ask, “What do you think about when meditating?”
To that, I have no answer. Meditating, for me, comes in layers and I can’t get through many of them. The first task is to shed the day’s pettiness from my mind. I usually manage to tuck that stuff away after five or ten minutes. After that’s been conquered, I enter an extremely non-pointed stage where my mind is jumping from the obscure to dream-like scenarios. If I beat that stage, then I start to focus on a world free or offices, buildings, money, cars, obligations and responsibilities. It sounds like I’m on my way, but in fact it was not relaxing getting there in the least. I had to battle those thoughts and if that’s what it takes, then I’m up for a challenge, but I started to think: Most temples are surrounded by the natural world. I used to be an avid camper and Thoreau-lover in my younger days, so I’m fully aware that the human connection to nature is powerful.
So, tomorrow, I’m going to dim the lights like usual; sit cross-legged in front of my Buddha statue and I’m going to play a “sounds of nature” track on repeat. I’m hoping that the sounds will assist my mind in placing itself in a natural environment where it’s easier to peel-away the layers of my daily life and perhaps, I will be able to have a more battle-free meditation.
After training myself like this for a few days, hopefully I’ll be able to drift into a more meditative state a little more smoothly. It’ll be hard regardless of music and I’m determinded to understand and experience the power of meditation.
Also, my wife and I are planning a weekend at a mountain-top temple in central Korea in a couple weeks. This won’t be the tourist-friendly temple stay either. It’s going to be the real deal.
Hopefully, I’ll be ready.
The cornerstone of Buddhism is the ability to meditate; to separate one’s mind, body and spirit from this world and reach a more serene, tranquil state where the pettiness and cycles of human life do not consume precious energy and thought. There are different goals to for meditating as well. For instance, samatha meditation focuses on the ability to focus single-pointedly whereas vippassana meditation is aimed at comprehension of a true reality. Regardless of the types, the history and the importance, I have to admit that I’m having a hard time grasping meditation.
I try, though. I try every night and every morning to reach a state of pure relaxation and I’m having a hard time doing it. I won’t stop trying; it’s too important for the religion. I want to discuss some of my frustrations with it though.
Meditation has been popularized, westernized and secularized. My original conceptions of meditation all include American comedies from the 1990’s where silly characters apparently drifted into the meditative world and were shown either floating above the clouds or, in Jim Carrey’s case in Ace Venture 2: When Nature Calls, in a ghost-like state hovering around a temple, shouting at monks. This, of course, is totally fine for movies, but it has certainly created a faux-expectation for how this process works and what the end-result should be.
I’m reading piles of Buddhists texts and literature; adhering to my ethics; worshiping as prescribed and living within the restrictive mold that is required of me, but when it’s time to sit down and meditate, I’m still not reaching the relaxed state I should be. One might ask, “What do you think about when meditating?”
To that, I have no answer. Meditating, for me, comes in layers and I can’t get through many of them. The first task is to shed the day’s pettiness from my mind. I usually manage to tuck that stuff away after five or ten minutes. After that’s been conquered, I enter an extremely non-pointed stage where my mind is jumping from the obscure to dream-like scenarios. If I beat that stage, then I start to focus on a world free or offices, buildings, money, cars, obligations and responsibilities. It sounds like I’m on my way, but in fact it was not relaxing getting there in the least. I had to battle those thoughts and if that’s what it takes, then I’m up for a challenge, but I started to think: Most temples are surrounded by the natural world. I used to be an avid camper and Thoreau-lover in my younger days, so I’m fully aware that the human connection to nature is powerful.
So, tomorrow, I’m going to dim the lights like usual; sit cross-legged in front of my Buddha statue and I’m going to play a “sounds of nature” track on repeat. I’m hoping that the sounds will assist my mind in placing itself in a natural environment where it’s easier to peel-away the layers of my daily life and perhaps, I will be able to have a more battle-free meditation.
After training myself like this for a few days, hopefully I’ll be able to drift into a more meditative state a little more smoothly. It’ll be hard regardless of music and I’m determinded to understand and experience the power of meditation.
Also, my wife and I are planning a weekend at a mountain-top temple in central Korea in a couple weeks. This won’t be the tourist-friendly temple stay either. It’s going to be the real deal.
Hopefully, I’ll be ready.
4/4/10
Day 4
Today is Easter Sunday. I spent it worshiping at Jogyesa temple in northern Seoul. It was built in 1395 and was pretty fantastic. We arrived at the busy temple around 1:00pm to find it totally swamped. Buddhist temples in Seoul are typically seen by non-Buddhists as tourist destinations and Jogyesa was certainly no different. In fact, it's the headquarters of a particular order of Korean Buddhism. Luckily, I found a place to worship.
The temple’s about 10km north of my place and is located in the older part of Seoul which is north of the Han River. I live in the south and rarely go to the north. My wife loves it up there, though. She was raised in the north and most old historical sites are located up there. The snob in me prefers staying in the wealthier southern districts. I think it has more to do with the south’s western-like atmosphere and culture than a simple rich-poor divide.
I had planned on driving the motor scooter to the temple, but we discovered my back tire was flat as we were leaving, so a cab ride was in order. The older cab driver –who was of course curious as to why my wife and I were heading to a temple on Easter Sunday-- dropped us off right in front of the temple gates. On either side of the gates were specialty stores selling all the Buddha-related trinkets one could hope for. There were Buddhist statues, candles, rope-sandals, wide-brimmed hats, incense burners and about a thousand other things that I’d consider purchasing if, after this spiritual journey, I decide that Buddhism is the best fit for me. We decided to save the stores for afterward and headed towards the gates.
There were four greeters standing at the front entrance -two on each side. They didn’t say anything about Buddha or offer a blessing; they just put their hands together in front of their chests and bowed. I did the same to them as I passed by. It was the first genuine expression of spirituality in my life. Never have I said 'God bless you' or prayed for or with another person. Seriously, I've never even said a prayer at a family dinner. My sister, who is an observant Protestant, always does the praying. My self-imposed role has always been to interrupt her prayer with some younger brother-style annoyance. The more I think about this, the more I realize that open expressions of faith are not only difficult for me to display, but they're also hard for me to witness or share.
Once on the temple grounds, flocks of tourists were being scurried from building to building by volunteer tour guides. From looks alone, I'd guess that most of them were Japanese. There were handfuls or SE Asians, Westerners and Chinese as well. Tourists in these places --especially from the West-- typically peer through the doors hoping to catch a glimpse of something worthy of telling their friends and family. Sometimes they’ll remove their shoes and enter the temple, but an immediate retreat is usually imminent. I have certainly been one of those tourists. Not today though.
In Korea at least, most of the practicing Buddhists tend to be older women –many of them praying that their child/ren do well on an upcoming test. I hate when people use religion like that. It makes it seem like a deity should be doing personal favors for you. Deities do not work for you. That’s not how this works and it irks me when I see it. It’s the same thing when people pray before sporting events; I just don’t get it.
So, this temple was filled with 100+ practitioners. Honestly, I didn’t see anyone in their teens through thirties. There were a few kids with parents and even fewer forty-somethings worshiping. I was obviously the only foreigner in there, but I’m used to it. I got the typical prolonged stares. My wife was in there with me. She was watching with a cautious smile the whole time. She was raised a Protestant like me, but has since fallen away from the church. Not for any reason, though. She just hasn't been to church in ages and has forgotten the connection she once had with it. She was as impressed as I was. It’s a fantastic sight to see. My words would fail to convey the splendor of the temple, so a picture would be better.
This is not my picture though. You're not really allowed to take pictures in the temple. I won't post any pictures of my experiences until the end of the month.
Once inside the temple, I had to fight the masses to get a sitting pad and floor space for the both of us. I found a nice place right next to the window and directly in front of the three large sitting Buddhas that you see above. A monk was already in the middle of chanting when we took our seat.
When I first got settled, I felt uncomfortable. That old fear of self-expression came out and again I felt isolated around the faithful. Luckily, the feeling waned and after a few minutes I started my bows. I wanted to complete all 108 in the temple before the service was over. The temple doesn't close during the day, but after that initial service, the tour groups would come in and then it would turn back into a destination rather than a place of worship.
When I was at about 50 or so, a choir of mixed-aged women appeared to the left of the Buddhas and started singing. They songs and style sounded just like Christian hymns. I was surprised. So was my wife. It was nice though and pretty familiar. Here's the interesting part though: While doing my bowing and listening to the Christian-sounding choir, I felt more of a spiritual connection than when I was listening to the monks chanting. I guess it's from my years in a Protestant setting that has conditioned my mind to trigger to the sound of hymns rather than chanting.
The rest of the day was very pleasant and, as odd as it may sound, spending Easter Sunday in this wonderful temple was easily the most religious and spiritual I have ever felt on this earth.
4/3/10
Day 3
The absolute clarity of mind that I experience after completing my evening bows is actually quite stunning. Unlike meditating, which usually leaves my mind in a somewhat purgatory-like state; bowing flushes out the day's stress and essentially resets my brain. I really enjoy it.
Today was my first weekend day as a Buddhist and I’ve gotta admit that it was much harder than I expected. During the weekdays, I’m so swamped with work that I don’t have much time to think about all the things I can’t do, but the weekends thrust all of those limitations into the forefront. Today was certainly difficult.
I woke up later than usual just like any normal Saturday. However, with my dietary restrictions and time limitations, this presented a problem. I pretty much had to eat as much as possible before the noon cut-off.
While my intake of food has drastically reduced, that’s not what’s really challenging me. The size of my stomach is already shrinking and unless I feel weak, I’ll be able to continue observing the sixth ethic of the precepts. What’s hard is that I have always been able to eat what I want, when I want it. As you know, I’m not eating meat, fish, anything with caffeine and sugary food. The meat and fish isn’t that hard and neither is the caffeine, but the sugar is a problem. I want to eat ice cream or maybe a donut, but I can’t. I had bad breath earlier and was about to pop-in some gum, but there was sugar in it, so I had to continue spraying my cheese-breath around the city.
There are so many things that I must abstain from, including a common pastime for many men around the world, so I guess it's time to about the elephant in the room: sex.
Most of the precepts listed on the sidebar are pretty self-explanatory, but one of them is unclear. What exactly is sexual misconduct? Well, it actually means that I am supposed to abstain from sex in general. A mind free from sexual desire is freer to explore the depths of ones being more than one which seeks to have or view sex. This is a problem for me on several levels. First of all, I’m married and there’s no way I’m not going to have sex with my wife for a month. That’s unhealthy for our relationship. So, I tweaked it. I am abstaining from viewing pornography or autoerotic behavior instead.
I don’t know how much other men jerk-off or how often they view smut online and I doubt I do it more (or less) than the average man, but I have a feeling that a lot of the religions I will experience on this journey will have similar rules and that’s going to be tough. As a secular man, I’ve never seen a problem with such behavior, so I indulged from time to time. Well, not anymore. I think I'll be able to handle it though. I honestly don't have too much time for it anyways, but it certainly makes me aware of the role it played in my life.
Man oh man, the sacrifices I make for Buddha!
Today was my first weekend day as a Buddhist and I’ve gotta admit that it was much harder than I expected. During the weekdays, I’m so swamped with work that I don’t have much time to think about all the things I can’t do, but the weekends thrust all of those limitations into the forefront. Today was certainly difficult.
I woke up later than usual just like any normal Saturday. However, with my dietary restrictions and time limitations, this presented a problem. I pretty much had to eat as much as possible before the noon cut-off.
While my intake of food has drastically reduced, that’s not what’s really challenging me. The size of my stomach is already shrinking and unless I feel weak, I’ll be able to continue observing the sixth ethic of the precepts. What’s hard is that I have always been able to eat what I want, when I want it. As you know, I’m not eating meat, fish, anything with caffeine and sugary food. The meat and fish isn’t that hard and neither is the caffeine, but the sugar is a problem. I want to eat ice cream or maybe a donut, but I can’t. I had bad breath earlier and was about to pop-in some gum, but there was sugar in it, so I had to continue spraying my cheese-breath around the city.
There are so many things that I must abstain from, including a common pastime for many men around the world, so I guess it's time to about the elephant in the room: sex.
Most of the precepts listed on the sidebar are pretty self-explanatory, but one of them is unclear. What exactly is sexual misconduct? Well, it actually means that I am supposed to abstain from sex in general. A mind free from sexual desire is freer to explore the depths of ones being more than one which seeks to have or view sex. This is a problem for me on several levels. First of all, I’m married and there’s no way I’m not going to have sex with my wife for a month. That’s unhealthy for our relationship. So, I tweaked it. I am abstaining from viewing pornography or autoerotic behavior instead.
I don’t know how much other men jerk-off or how often they view smut online and I doubt I do it more (or less) than the average man, but I have a feeling that a lot of the religions I will experience on this journey will have similar rules and that’s going to be tough. As a secular man, I’ve never seen a problem with such behavior, so I indulged from time to time. Well, not anymore. I think I'll be able to handle it though. I honestly don't have too much time for it anyways, but it certainly makes me aware of the role it played in my life.
Man oh man, the sacrifices I make for Buddha!
4/2/10
Day 2
The first thing that crossed my mind this morning was, "Why the hell are my legs so stiff?" I've been running or riding my bike in the mornings for the past several months, but never have my legs felt as riga mortis-stricken as they did today. Combine that with the fact that I hadn't eaten in seventeen hours and was curled up next to my dog on the cold, dusty floor and you have the makings of a fine Friday morning. But honestly, I feel good. I think it's innocent anticipation more than anything else.
Last night after writing, I meditated and did my bows. Meditation is something that I've read about in countless news articles, pamphlets and self-help books, but had never really given it a shot. Why would I? Positive-thought gurus and coaches tend to push the practice as a means of expelling negatives thoughts from the mind. (I've never bought into that though. They're simply selling books and making people blindly willing to accept mediocrity.) All I hope is that businessmen like Joel Osteen --the man who successfully divorced himself and his Houston-based church from Christianity-- don't try to steal something like Buddhist meditation.
There's so much literature about how to meditate and the more I read, the more confusing it got. The whole process could have become quite stressful, but I sorted through the fluff and hit the major points. I think. All I need to do is focus on my body; mind; content and feelings. Being the casual yoga practitioner that I am, I already had the body and mind business down. In fact, once I got started it wasn't even hard to sort out my feelings or the ominous threat of boredom and the hankering in my mind to stand up and eat. No, the hard part was content.
My wife was working and my dog was weirded-out enough by my chanting that he decided to be the spectator on this one. That's pretty rare. I plopped down on an oversized couch pillow, crossed my chicken legs and locked my fingers. For a moment I sat there --in the dark-- and thought to myself, "Man, I must look silly", but soon my eyes had closed and I had began my first meditation attempt. And yes, it was an attempt.
It was hard. It's hard to filter your mind at the end of the day. But you don't have to take my word for it. Try it for yourself.
Get comfortable.
Cross your legs.
Lock your fingers.
And now, let it go. Don't think about your breathing or your positioning. Just let it go.
You see? Wasn't that easy? Of course it wasn't! That advice is garbage. No one can just let it go and it's even harder to sit in the same cross-legged position for an extended period of time. Still, I had to try, so I closed my eyes again. The first five-minutes or so were full of images from my work day: screaming kids; idiotic co-workers and Power Point slides. But more than anything, it was my overriding concern that I wasn't meditating correctly that kept distracting me.
However, after several more minutes of fighting-off those "earthly thoughts", your mind does seem to drift a bit. The content changes from reality to the subconscious and somehow you enter a dream-like state where you're alert and awake, but your mind has detached itself from your surroundings.
There is not a "right amount of time" for meditation. The extreme person inside wanted to do it for thirty minutes or even longer, but after a solid fifteen minutes, I snapped out of it and couldn't return to the trance. I was a little bummed out, but I will say that sitting there, in the darkened silence of the evening with my eyes closed, the rest of world really did seem to slip away. It was a good experience and I'm looking forward to trying it again.
After my mini-meditation, it was time for the bowing. Following Korean Buddhist tradition, I have to bow 108 times in a row each and every day. I'm doing this to repent and rid myself of earthly desires (but between you and me, I couldn't stop thinking that after all this bowing, I'd probably look pretty sweet in a Speedo by the end of the month).
There's a particular way to bow, too.
1. Do "HabJang" in front of the statue and make a big bow.
2. Join your hands flat together and bend your knees.
3. Put your left hand on the ground and then place your right hand on the ground
4. Flip your hands upside down, raise your head, and then stand up on your feet.
5. Join your hands flat together and in front of your chest.
I spiced mine up a little by adding chants to the bowing. Thirty-five minutes and 108 bows later, I wouldn't say that I was totally free of all earthly desires, but I was pretty damn tired and wanted to lay in my earthly bed. I didn't though. And, of course, today I'm having a hard time walking up and down the stairs, but I'll stay devoted.
I guess the trickiest part is time management. Today, for instance, I was up by 5:00am for prayer, followed by work from 6:30am until 11:40am. I met my wife for a delicious lunch of cold noodles, cabbage, eggs, onions and red peppers which --after listing it-- sounds pretty repulsive, but it's mixed well. Or I've been in Korea for too long.
I finished lunch BEFORE noon and then headed to the elementary school. Perhaps choosing Buddhism first was a wise choice because these little guys really test my patience. At work, I often have to remind myself of the fourth precept -abstaining from wrong speech: telling lies, deceiving others, manipulating others, using hurtful words.
As a foreign English teacher, dealing with difficult Korean children can be quite trying. Since corporal punishment still remains acceptable in Korean schools, most students have been raised fearing physical discipline. It's the same at home as well. Many mothers opt for the switch. This method of punishment, however, is not extended to foreign English teachers, so we are essentially left to our own devices. The problem is that we don't have many devices and, sadly, the only method that I've found effective for controlling fearless children is public shaming. I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful, but Korean children have been conditioned to only fear physical retribution (because of the switch) and women (because Dad is largely absent).
This does not bode well for the foreign male and it does get hard for me, but this month I'm not going to yell, isolate or embarrass any of my students, friends, employees, but especially not my wife or dog. I'll find the patience and hopefully through my meditations and prayers, I can find more peace and understanding of my place in the world.
It’s now nearly 11:00pm and I’m nearing the end of my day. After work, I came directly home; stretched, meditated and did my bowing. I decided to bow with my eyes open today. I liked it much more. I know this is only my second day with the bowing, but honestly, it’s my favorite part. Even though my legs are sore and I worked nearly fifteen hours today, after only a few bows, my mind started to clear. The practice slows down my thought process dramatically and I almost look forward to the dozens of bows before me.
So far, Buddha has revealed himself to me in the form and that is patience. But I don't want to simplify it. I think it’s more like this: Patience is learned and anyone can become a more patient person. What I’m picking up from my mood is that I’m excited about having to be patient. The anticipation of –well—waiting is surprisingly rewarding for me.
Interesting.Until tomorrow, friends.
Last night after writing, I meditated and did my bows. Meditation is something that I've read about in countless news articles, pamphlets and self-help books, but had never really given it a shot. Why would I? Positive-thought gurus and coaches tend to push the practice as a means of expelling negatives thoughts from the mind. (I've never bought into that though. They're simply selling books and making people blindly willing to accept mediocrity.) All I hope is that businessmen like Joel Osteen --the man who successfully divorced himself and his Houston-based church from Christianity-- don't try to steal something like Buddhist meditation.
There's so much literature about how to meditate and the more I read, the more confusing it got. The whole process could have become quite stressful, but I sorted through the fluff and hit the major points. I think. All I need to do is focus on my body; mind; content and feelings. Being the casual yoga practitioner that I am, I already had the body and mind business down. In fact, once I got started it wasn't even hard to sort out my feelings or the ominous threat of boredom and the hankering in my mind to stand up and eat. No, the hard part was content.
My wife was working and my dog was weirded-out enough by my chanting that he decided to be the spectator on this one. That's pretty rare. I plopped down on an oversized couch pillow, crossed my chicken legs and locked my fingers. For a moment I sat there --in the dark-- and thought to myself, "Man, I must look silly", but soon my eyes had closed and I had began my first meditation attempt. And yes, it was an attempt.
It was hard. It's hard to filter your mind at the end of the day. But you don't have to take my word for it. Try it for yourself.
Get comfortable.
Cross your legs.
Lock your fingers.
And now, let it go. Don't think about your breathing or your positioning. Just let it go.
You see? Wasn't that easy? Of course it wasn't! That advice is garbage. No one can just let it go and it's even harder to sit in the same cross-legged position for an extended period of time. Still, I had to try, so I closed my eyes again. The first five-minutes or so were full of images from my work day: screaming kids; idiotic co-workers and Power Point slides. But more than anything, it was my overriding concern that I wasn't meditating correctly that kept distracting me.
However, after several more minutes of fighting-off those "earthly thoughts", your mind does seem to drift a bit. The content changes from reality to the subconscious and somehow you enter a dream-like state where you're alert and awake, but your mind has detached itself from your surroundings.
There is not a "right amount of time" for meditation. The extreme person inside wanted to do it for thirty minutes or even longer, but after a solid fifteen minutes, I snapped out of it and couldn't return to the trance. I was a little bummed out, but I will say that sitting there, in the darkened silence of the evening with my eyes closed, the rest of world really did seem to slip away. It was a good experience and I'm looking forward to trying it again.
After my mini-meditation, it was time for the bowing. Following Korean Buddhist tradition, I have to bow 108 times in a row each and every day. I'm doing this to repent and rid myself of earthly desires (but between you and me, I couldn't stop thinking that after all this bowing, I'd probably look pretty sweet in a Speedo by the end of the month).
There's a particular way to bow, too.
1. Do "HabJang" in front of the statue and make a big bow.
2. Join your hands flat together and bend your knees.
3. Put your left hand on the ground and then place your right hand on the ground
4. Flip your hands upside down, raise your head, and then stand up on your feet.
5. Join your hands flat together and in front of your chest.
I spiced mine up a little by adding chants to the bowing. Thirty-five minutes and 108 bows later, I wouldn't say that I was totally free of all earthly desires, but I was pretty damn tired and wanted to lay in my earthly bed. I didn't though. And, of course, today I'm having a hard time walking up and down the stairs, but I'll stay devoted.
I guess the trickiest part is time management. Today, for instance, I was up by 5:00am for prayer, followed by work from 6:30am until 11:40am. I met my wife for a delicious lunch of cold noodles, cabbage, eggs, onions and red peppers which --after listing it-- sounds pretty repulsive, but it's mixed well. Or I've been in Korea for too long.
I finished lunch BEFORE noon and then headed to the elementary school. Perhaps choosing Buddhism first was a wise choice because these little guys really test my patience. At work, I often have to remind myself of the fourth precept -abstaining from wrong speech: telling lies, deceiving others, manipulating others, using hurtful words.
As a foreign English teacher, dealing with difficult Korean children can be quite trying. Since corporal punishment still remains acceptable in Korean schools, most students have been raised fearing physical discipline. It's the same at home as well. Many mothers opt for the switch. This method of punishment, however, is not extended to foreign English teachers, so we are essentially left to our own devices. The problem is that we don't have many devices and, sadly, the only method that I've found effective for controlling fearless children is public shaming. I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful, but Korean children have been conditioned to only fear physical retribution (because of the switch) and women (because Dad is largely absent).
This does not bode well for the foreign male and it does get hard for me, but this month I'm not going to yell, isolate or embarrass any of my students, friends, employees, but especially not my wife or dog. I'll find the patience and hopefully through my meditations and prayers, I can find more peace and understanding of my place in the world.
It’s now nearly 11:00pm and I’m nearing the end of my day. After work, I came directly home; stretched, meditated and did my bowing. I decided to bow with my eyes open today. I liked it much more. I know this is only my second day with the bowing, but honestly, it’s my favorite part. Even though my legs are sore and I worked nearly fifteen hours today, after only a few bows, my mind started to clear. The practice slows down my thought process dramatically and I almost look forward to the dozens of bows before me.
So far, Buddha has revealed himself to me in the form and that is patience. But I don't want to simplify it. I think it’s more like this: Patience is learned and anyone can become a more patient person. What I’m picking up from my mood is that I’m excited about having to be patient. The anticipation of –well—waiting is surprisingly rewarding for me.
Interesting.Until tomorrow, friends.
4/1/10
Day 1
April 1st, 2010
So, it's official. I'm a Buddhist.
Today has been pretty easy so far though. I woke up to the same alarm clock as I did yesterday. My dog jumped on the bed and licked the bedspread where my wife was laying just moments before. I showered, got dressed and headed to work. Same ol' thing.
I haven't had time to go to the grocery store and stock-up on Buddha-approved sustenance yet, so on the way to the office, I stopped by the local market for a little breakfast. This once simple task has already become more challenging. I knew it would be much trickier and more time-consuming to shop as a vegetarian, but actually doing it sucks. Being forced to be selective and picky is something that I've never dealt with before.
I haven't had time to go to the grocery store and stock-up on Buddha-approved sustenance yet, so on the way to the office, I stopped by the local market for a little breakfast. This once simple task has already become more challenging. I knew it would be much trickier and more time-consuming to shop as a vegetarian, but actually doing it sucks. Being forced to be selective and picky is something that I've never dealt with before.
Typically, I would bulldoze my way over to the sandwich-wing of the market and, depending on my mood, gorge on the meatiest and eggiest choice in front of my carnivorous eyes. Not today, though. Nope. I took my typical stance in front of those flesh-filled concoctions; sulked a bit and shuffled over to the fruit section. I have nothing against fruit. I just like animal flesh more. The pickings were pretty meager: bananas, tangerines or oranges. I opted for the tangerines. Six of those bad-boys cost me nearly three bucks. That's absurd.
I usually get to the office pretty early in the morning and one of the few delights of being up just after the sun is that my morning coffee gets upgraded to an almost-angelic status. And the thing that really twists the knife is that my wife makes excellent morning coffee. Well, today --and for the next thirty days-- I don't get any coffee. In fact, I'm staying away from all intoxicants and impurities, including caffeine and sugar.
Some scholars of Buddhism might ask why I'm going to such an extreme. I guess that's a fair question and for it I have an easy answer: The point of this project is to experience sacrifice; true and honest sacrifice. I could have become a Buddhist-light, that's true. But that wouldn't require much from me at all. I chose to follow the eight ethics (listed on the right) known as The Eight Precepts, rather than the slightly more manageable Five Precepts. I thought that the eight were a happy median between the simple, everyday Buddhists and the monks. So, before you start making statements like, "I know Buddhists who eat meat and sleep in beds", just consider the fact that there are practitioners of all faiths who choose a simpler, less rigid interpretation of their respective faith, just like those who go all-out. I have chosen a pious and reasonable path for my life.
Perhaps "reasonable" isn't the correct word actually. Just last night, my wife told me that we had plans with a Korean couple for Friday night at, of all places, a Korean barbecue and booze joint. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage this one, but I guess it'll be a good test of will.
After finishing my morning classes, I headed home for a hearty lunch of kimchi ramen and Sun Chips. It wasn't great and I know it's not too healthy, but as I mentioned earlier, I have yet to go to the grocery. Don't worry though, I'm loaded on vitamins and other supplements. I won't shrivel up and die this month.
My afternoon classes are always a little more active which, of course, means that I burn more energy. Today was a double-whammy for me as well. It's my first day on this regiment and it also happened to be the day I chose weeks ago to have a pizza party. I had to watch the kids devour piece after piece of pizza and wash it down with Pepsi. I wanted to partake, but didn't. Perhaps that's my first feat.
Now, I'm at home. It's around 7:00pm and I'm hungry. The wife is still out and I have nothing to do, but chant, meditate, do my 108 bows and then, in case you forgot, I get to sleep on the floor.
I'm still feeling great though and I'm really excited to see what I'm capable of. Until tomorrow...
Buddham saranam gacchami. (I go for refuge in the Buddha.)
Now, I'm at home. It's around 7:00pm and I'm hungry. The wife is still out and I have nothing to do, but chant, meditate, do my 108 bows and then, in case you forgot, I get to sleep on the floor.
I'm still feeling great though and I'm really excited to see what I'm capable of. Until tomorrow...
Buddham saranam gacchami. (I go for refuge in the Buddha.)
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