The Pious One

Day 4

2010-09-04T14:18:00.001+09:00

Yesterday was my mother's 57th birthday. My wife and I got her an Amazon gift card. It wasn't for that much or anything, but it's hard when there's 5,000 miles between you. When you do one of these gift cards online, your only option is to send it through email. Again, it's the best way since we live so far away. After selecting the amount you'd like to make the gift for, they ask you to add your own birthday greeting.

I started writing and then paused. What am I going to say that hasn't been said before? Am I supposed the write, "thanks for being a great mother and hope you have a happy birthday" or would something more personal and heartfelt be appropriate? The struggle for me is that I have always written gushy birthday cards and notes. I can make my mother, sister and wife cry in a matter of seconds with some words from the heart. If I continue going for the kill like that, doesn't it kind of lose it's effect?

I'm having the same struggles with memorized prayers, but I digress. (That'll come later.)

I should say that my mother does in fact deserve one hell of a sweet note. Mothers and sons often have a close and special relationship and we are no different. It doesn't matter what country your from or what religion to adhere to. All sons cherish and honor their mothers. Islam, in particular, has very strong instructions for me and their mother. The Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) laid on some pretty solid words in terms of honoring our moms. I thought about quoting the one about 'Paradise being at the feet of mothers', but that's gross. My mom used to have corns down there. I went with this one, instead:

"And revere the womb that bore you, for God is ever watchful over you."

(4:1)

So rather than adding in some trite comment like "Happy Birthday" or "You're 57 years young", I'm going simply say this: I'm blessed to have wonderfully funny, close and modern family which, as it so happens, could not have existed without the grunt work my mother put into it. It is her masterpiece and I'm can't wait to see the final painting.

Day 3

2010-09-03T18:38:00.003+09:00

Epiphanic moments are hard to come by for many of us. Sadly for me, I often allow my elation from such events to be swallowed as my mind concedes all too eagerly to the trivial distractions of my amplified secular life. By doing so, the pure joy of self-discovery becomes another hapless tick on my increasingly mundane existence. The balance of my psyche is askew and the longer I hesitate to level myself out, the harder it will be to find my much needed equipoise.

Or, in other words, I need to give myself the space to enjoy the natural high of amazement.

As dejected as that sounds, I wouldn't characterize myself as a person who focuses on displeasure. I don't. I actually have avoidance issues and prefer to lap up felicity as much as possible, yet, in the back of my mind, there's a negative presence lurking about, poking holes in the thrill and excitement of life. This dilemma is not lost on me though. In fact, it's teachable for all of us.

The point of life is personal for all of us and no amount of religion, education or love is ever going to spell it out for us. The conundrum is this: If we don't allow ourselves to treasure an epiphany, a moment of bliss or a shot of absolute jubilation (sounds like a drink), then what is the point in ever searching for it? Some might say it's about the hunt, not the game. Well, perhaps, but hunting season only last for two months.

The reason we're here is not only transcendental, it's also exponentially beyond me. What isn't beyond me is the fact that all humans seek happiness. We crave it, fight for it and pray for it. It's time to really enjoy it while we can.

So why so much about epiphany and happiness? Last night, while listening to some lectures I tumbled across this song.

It encapsultaes the beauty of an epiphany -the moment a person sees the light of something he thought was doomed to darkness. Religious epiphany doesn't have to equate to conversion. That's too rigid for its mysticism and wonder.

The song by Yusuf Islam, i.e., Mr. Cat Stevens, makes the statements that Moses, Jesus, Noah, Mohammed, Adam and Abraham are messengers of Allah. Looking deeper into the religion, that is true. All of them are messengers of Allah and to go one step further, the decendants of Imran, the father of Maryam (Jesus' mother) who is also the most holy of women in Islam, and Abraham are the chosen people. The common thread that runs through these religions, to me, is always overlooked.

Maybe I'm a bit behind the curve, but as a person who was raised in a Christian household, hearing these familiar names and stories really takes Islam from the reaches of the Arabian desert to a place that's much less foreign and certainly more accessible.

Day 2

2010-09-02T21:08:00.000+09:00

What do I actually know about Islam?

This is something that has actually been haunting me for the past week and especially for the past 40 or so hours. I don't know a thing about the real and true religion of Islam. Being an American in a time of religious strife and global conflict certainly allows for bits and pieces of the religion to be thrust upon me, but outside of sound bites, academic comparatives and the occasional glance at Al Jazeera's opinion page, I don't have the slightest grip on the details of the religion. This project aside, that is not alright with me. I don't like being clueless.

Intellectual hubris is not my thing. I am the first to admit that I am not the brightest of men, but I will stake a claim under the curiosity column. Yet, how is it possible, as a curious man, for me not to know more about a religion that is embraced by nearly a quarter of the world? To me, that sounds irresponsible.

But maybe I'm asking the wrong question, so allow me to change it. Considering my claim to inquisitiveness, how is it possible for me to accept only fragments of an entire religion and claim to have had enough? Sure, I wouldn't verbalize such a statement, but my actions and subsequent ignorant comments and conversations certainly have and perhaps even continue to illustrate my intellectual tolerance. If I don't actively seek to gain a broader and more accurate picture of any subject, regardless of category, aren't I subtly admitting an mental fill?

As commented by (and linked to) a friend yesterday, there seems to be a growing segment of people (Americans included) who have allowed themselves to be educated only enough to their liking before an opinion is formed and espoused. Worse than adopting an ill-informed position on something, some people take their half-truths on the road with them to inform the peasants of their wisdom.

Take this email for instance which carried the title, "Can Muslims be Good Americans?" Since it's a hate email, it naturally comes with a presupposition that "Muslim and "good American" can not co-habitat a sentence.

Here is the gist of it:

Theologically - no. Because his allegiance is to Allah, the moon God of Arabia.

Religiously - no. Because no other religion is accepted by his Allah except Islam (Quran, 2:256)

Scripturally - no. Because his allegiance is to the five pillars of Islam and the Quran (Koran).

Geographically - no. Because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he turns in prayer five times a day.

Socially - no. Because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews.

Politically - no. Because he must submit to the mullah (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and Destruction of America, the great Satan.

Domestically - no. Because he is instructed to marry four women and beat and scourge his wife when she disobeys him (Quran 4:34).

Intellectually - no. Because he cannot accept the American Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be corrupt.

Philosophically - no. Because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran do not allow freedom of religion and expression. Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.

Spiritually - no. Because when we declare "one nation under God," the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in The Quran's 99 excellent names.

Therefore after much study and deliberation....perhaps we should be very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country. They obviously cannot be both "good" Muslims and good Americans. Call it what you wish....it's still the truth.

You had better believe it.

If you want to read a good take-down of the claims made in the email, there are plenty, but the point is that the author of this rant learned only enough so they could launch a childish tirade at a faith that clearly scares them. Just to give you an example of how pervasive this list was, if you were to enter the title of the email into the Google search box, it auto-completes the sentence.

The whole thing brings me back to the origin of wisdom and knowledge. Many people like to claim they are wise, but how are we to be sure they are really pure in intent?

"He has taught you that which [heretofore] you knew not."

(Qur'an 2:239)

All faiths have their own ideas on this one. Christians believe their God to be omniscient while Buddhists are taught that it takes utilitarian observation and analysis to truly understand if something is in fact "wise". Regardless of faith or philosophy there are certain facts that I know to be true and, on this one, Mohammad can help.

If a person is given silence, he is given wisdom.

And to that I'd like to add that a modest person understands the wisdom of silence.

***

Aside from starting the Quran from the beginning (which was interesting considering Adam and Eve popped up like thirty pages into it--a fact that I did not realize), I'm really trying to focus on the Five Pillars of Islam. Since I'm new to this religion, I'm taking it slowing and trying to understand it all one step at a time.

The first pillar is Shahadah which is essentially a statement of faith. It looks like this...

أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

"There is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is his messenger."

If you're really good, then you'd recognize the text above is also written on the flag of Saudi Arabia.

.In English, it looks a little like this: Ashhadu Alla Ilaha Illa Allah Wa Ashhadu Anna Muhammad Rasulu Allah.

Interestingly, reciting the Shahadah three times in front of witnesses is all it takes to convert to Islam (video here). Of course, one must be totally sincere in doing it and fully understand the gravity of such a recitation. (It's not like Candyman.) I plan on reciting this many times, but my sincerity will disqualify me at this point since I am not prepared to dedicate myself to Islam (or any religion for that matter).

I'm really enjoying my studies so far and am really working on looking at the beauty that clearly thrives within Islam and Muslims and ignoring my cultural biases.

السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

As-Salāmu `Alaykum

Peace and Mercy of Allah be upon you...

Day 1

2010-09-01T22:11:00.000+09:00

Back from break and fueled up. I made plenty of great contacts in the Korea(n) Muslim community (although most of them are not Korean) and although I can't change my schedule to go to mosque on Fridays, the weekend is also packed with worshipers and services. In fact, the mosque that I'm going to can hold up to six-hundred practitioners. I'll be heading there this Saturday after my Democrats Abroad meeting. They have service in Korean, Arabic and English. Great news.

Before I really get started, I want to get the whole Park51 mess out of the way. This past month I have watched and listened to my compatriots spit on the faith of over a billion people on this earth. I have coasted between embarrassment, anger, fear, pity and full-blown astonishment. It is clear that the debate has nothing to do with sensitivity or location. It's about two things: 1) petty election season politics and 2) xenophobia. The worst part of the whole thing is that the GOP and the conservative punditry out there has married the two and it has created a disgusting environment for Americans to exist in.

A new teacher arrived at my school this morning. He's a nice fellow from Hanover, PA. I asked him about how it was being back in America, expecting the typical answer that returning expats give which ranges from "I loved it" to "Man, Americans are fat." I did not get that response today, though. What I got was more grim.

"America is miserable. It's sick and only getting worse."

I don't doubt that current economic woes coupled with the midterm absurdity has made for a climate that is less savory than The Wonder Years, but what really concerns me is that this side of America has been hiding in plain sight for decades. The only difference is that the hateful have a forum now. Is America waking up from a dream or are they just in a nightmare?

I am certain that this topic will come up before, during or after my time in the mosque and I will not defend my fellow Americans who have chosen to turn their backs on the most important aspect of our nation's founding. I know how my wife, my family and my friends feel about this situation and all of them are lined up with me. So, unless any new developments occur in regards to this issue, I plan on putting it aside this month.

***

I woke up this morning before sunrise and pulled out my paper detailing how to do my daily prayers of which must be done five times a day in the direction of Mecca. I was blown away by the time it took me to read the romanized Arabic. Luckily, the online Quran that I'm reading (as well as the hard copy I'm picking up this weekend after Mosque) has a nice English translation. There will be plenty more to come on that front. You know, the first day always takes some getting used to.

What I have discovered so far is that while reading the Quran, I can't separate the words from the followers. Generally speaking, Muslims hail from a certain geographical region and with each e-page that I e-turn I can't help but visualize them. I think about their clothes, their faces, their history and, yes, even some of the violence that a minority of them have committed against their fellow man. This is really wrong and intellectually I would never say or do anything that casts a negative shadow on the religion, but I'm starting to wonder if, perhaps, they have also been poisoned against others in the same fashion. Is there a "typical" Jew or Christian?

Allah said, "there is a disease in their hearts" --still learning the proper ways to quote the Quran-- and while he was talking about those who try to deceive Him, I can use it here.

It's hard to live a life that is free from cultural perception and self-deception. In fact, it's impossible. We are scholars of the senses. Recognizing that, however, is only the first step. The "disease" seeps much deeper than what we see and hear and it poisons our hearts and eventually soils our souls. For someone to claim one thing like, "I support Park51 because Islam didn't attack us on 911, a few extremists did" and then visualize the negative physical manifestations of some Muslims while reading the Quran is a signal that maybe the heart has been polluted.

I don't know what it is, but it's sure to be an interesting journey and I'm thrilled to see what wonderful treasures Islam has to offer.

2010-08-09T08:37:00.000+09:00

In case you're wondering what is happening with the Pious One, I figured I should let you know. I'm taking the month of August off to better prepare for my upcoming religions. I was a little frustrated with Jainism because I didn't have anyone to connect with and share in the religion. I don't want that to happen with Islam, Judaism, Hinduism and Protestantism. So, this month, I am seeking out groups, buying texts and preparing for a smooth transition into Islam with will take place on September 1st.

Day 30

2010-07-30T20:58:00.000+09:00

Jainism is finally done! I don't say that because I didn't like it. I did. In fact, I loved it. I say that because it was exhausting. Not knowing when the next meal is or where it's coming from is really eye-opening. I've lived a very pampered life and the whole time I never once realized the ease that has been provided for me. Sure, money has helped that, but how our civilization and modern society has evolved really created an environment for laziness, entitlement and avoidance. I can't say that I will always remember my physical pain from the month, but I will remember the lessons the taught me.

From what you experienced, what was the best part of Jainism?

Easy. My mind was re-framed this month in terms of my relationship with animal life and the environment. We always hear that we need to clean up and protect the environment and that result should be enough to motivate people to do something. However, leading someone with a carrot only lasts for so long. What I learned this month was an entirely new way to envision my role in the cosmos. I really visualized the vehicles in which our souls are carried and how important the decisions we make with them are. I have a newfound responsibility on earth and it's not simply for ascetic and health reasons. It's because I am of this earth and could perhaps have existed in a different capacity before this life.

What improvements, if any, did you witness in yourself?

I don't know if I improved. I caved to temptation with alcohol and many times I got outwardly frustrated with Jainism, but if anything, I think I padded by increasingly bulky trove of patience. It's hard giving up things and it was even harder when people would ask, "What's the point?" It would be easy to give into that, but I didn't. Victory?

What was the most annoying aspect of the religion for you?

Not buying anything was really horrible. Well, maybe it was the constant need to rely on my wife for stuff. I don't know. I'm not a big-spender, but it's hard being a burden to the one you love.
Did you find that people were receptive to Jainism?

Really receptive. In fact, I was amazed by the curiosity that many people had. I know that they wouldn't necessarily start to follow the creed, but people really opened up to the idea. In fact, I caught some of my younger elementary school students with Jain information in their bags and "George = 자이나교 (Jainism)" written on their notebooks. All ages of Koreans were into it.

Would you ever consider becoming a Jain?

Hmmm. Let's put it this way: I will always incorporate the lessons from this month into my life, my family and my future religion. But no, I don't think Jainism is the perfect fit for me.

Any last comments?

If anything came from this month, it was my "Bridges to Beauty" project. Depending on August rain, I will keep it alive. My wife and I are planning on making it more inclusive to the community in September. We all need to do a better job taking care of this world. We are at the top of this karmic chain and have the gift of reason. We need to use it well.

Day 29

2010-07-29T20:56:00.000+09:00

From what you saw and heard, what was the best part of Jainism for you?

Jainism was a little out of my league. George and I spent many nights discussing different aspects of the religion, but I really had a hard time believing any of it. For me, the best part was George actually allowing his love for the earth materialize through his "Bridges to Beauty" project. I support his activism and passions, so this was great for me. Can I credit Jainism? Why not?

What improvements, if any, did you witness in your husband?

Again with this one? Can someone else write questions? Alright, I'll play the game. He certainly became even more pensive this month. I know it was hard for him, but I'm proud of the thought he put into small things like taking care of our dog's smallest of emotions or even the spider that has now created a massive web in our bathroom window. Maybe it's this project or my training, but I'm starting to see a mature husband. That's a feat.

What was the most annoying aspect of the religion for you?

That's easy. He couldn't spend any money or buy anything. Guess who had to do all of that? Sure, he got some stuff from students, but I was behind most everything. It makes me happy that we live in a time where there is equality in marriages because this could not continue.

What do you think of the nudity, face masks and shaved hair?

The nudity is tiring. I mean, he sits on our furniture like that. On the bright side, I did get to force him to shower much more than usual, so I liked that. He only wore the face mask a few times and in Asia, that's not really unusual. Many people where masks when they get sick. When you live in a city of 20 million, bacteria and viruses spread fast. The short hair was nice, although it wasn't technically "shaved". Personally, I prefer his hair a little longer. There's no character in short hair. I was proud of him though. He's had hair issues forever.

Do you think Jainism looked different from Buddhism?

Sure. Jainism was very difficult, but honestly, I don't think George liked it as much. He says that he loves all of them, but I got the feeling that he was getting tired of the rules. With Buddhism, there were rules, but not as extreme.

Would you ever consider becoming a Jain?

Nope. Not only is Jainism really hard to manage in any country besides India, but I don't believe a word of it. George was trying to get me all excited about the karmic levels and I liked learning about it, but there is no way that I could tell people I believe in that. It sounds too much like a movie plot.

Next month is Islam. Are you excited?

Well, I'm ready. I wouldn't day excited, though. We're both a little curious about what's going on in the Itaewon mosque and considering what's happening in America with all this mosque drama, I'm curious about what they are thinking.

Any last comments?

All of these religious adventures have been great for me. I didn't even know what Jainism was a month ago and now I at least have the background to understand who and what they are. I might not "feel" it like George claims, but I do "know" it and that has been great.

Day 28

2010-07-28T12:33:00.000+09:00

I was talking to my sister yesterday. That's usually a fun time as I've always had an unmatched ability to make her laugh. I think it's a mixture of our genes, similar sense of humor and the fact that when our parents divorced we were teenagers and we ended up sticking together at a time when many siblings grow apart. And as much fun as we can have together, we have never had a hard time sitting down and having a deep conversation. Humor and drama tweak the emotions in a very profound way, so bridging the gap isn't all that difficult.

Yesterday, we were discussing raising children. She has a head-start on me and already has two children. My wife and I are waiting for a few more years to start popping those guys out. Still, we like to gab about how we're going to raise them and this and that. Being a Jain this month, one of the biggest concerns I have had is the soul of insects and animals. This wasn't a big step for me since I already had a real concern for all creatures. My sister, on the other hand, has always loved animals but feared insects. Sometimes her fear translates to anger which, of course, can lead to dead insects. I mentioned this inconsistency to her and suggested that I want to make sure that my children (as well as my niece and nephew) protect all forms of life. She agreed, but with a caveat.

"I know that they'll protect all lifeforms. I don't see them killing anything except mosquitoes I guess," she told me.

Mosquitoes have been my biggest challenge this month. When I feel an itch on my bare chest my first instinct in the summer is to swat rather than inspect. I had to change that a lot and when I did inspect and find a mosquito, I would generally push him away from my skin and on his way. No killing. Even if he was loaded with my blood, I let him go on his merry way. Most people make the claim that mosquitoes do nothing for the earth, but that's not true. They are food sources for many insects and they also help pollinate flowers. What would the point be of letting the spider in my laundry room live is I made it a point to kill all of it's food? By killing mosquitoes, I'm potentially starving and killing other insects.

The point is that people make exceptions to everything. We make exceptions to our own rules and our own morals. People break their rules when it comes to eating well and exercise just like they break their own marriage vows and promises to their family. We constantly allow gratuitous desire to overtake sound judgement and we do so by excusing small infractions because for some reason we dilute ourselves into thinking they are somehow less damning than full-blown violations. If we start making excuses to break one part of a promise to ourselves, then what's to stop us from adding another exception in there? How big does a lie have to get before we realize that we're living it?

I don't kill mosquitoes because they are on the karmic cycle with and therefore my responsibility to protect. They have been in the past, but will no longer be the exception to my rule. No more exceptions.

Day 27

2010-07-27T18:42:00.000+09:00

As you know, I could not attend any services this month, so I tried to participate in several discussion boards and Jain debates. I learned some stuff, but not as much as I wanted. I did, however, get involved with this fellow.

I did a bit of reading on the jains a few years ago, and it sounds like they're social parasites. They do no work, and wander around asking to be fed and cared for by others - a pretty nasty trick if you're in a very poor country. So, it's a typical religious social hack: "see me I'm all holy, feed me and care for me."

Calling 'em like you see 'em, huh? You can't really do that with religion, though. Simply "reading on" them "a few years ago" doesn't really allow you to make wise cracks either, but this reveals something deeper. I've followed this guys comments for awhile (he's not the author of the blog by the way) and it's very clear that he is a straight up atheist and has no real tolerance for any sort of religion. If he wants to be an atheist then I'm totally fine and accepting of his prerogative, however, he is dead wrong in reducing Jain monks to mere beggars too lazy to work and take care of themselves. He will probably call religious people unreasonable, irrational, stupid, blind, gullible, ignorant, weak, scared or something else that's equally offensive.

His intolerance towards the religious has crippled him and rendered him utterly blind to the fact that even though it might not make perfect sense to him, it does in fact make perfect sense to the devout. Who is he to say otherwise? This is not a debate on the tangible. It's a debate of faith--that which cannot be seen--and while I also like to understand my life and most elements of this world through a scientific lens, it is beyond me to assert so sternly that someone else is doing it "wrong".

There's more though. This guy opens up an interesting can of worms. Apparently, there are strong connections between liberalism, atheism, vegetarianism and intelligence. For the sake of this argument, let's assume that being religious doesn't mean you're unintelligent as many people (like the commenter above) assume. Judging by voting patterns and survey results, it's pretty clear that if you are in fact conservative in the US, you are probably a Christian of some sort and hold that belief system close to you. Good for you.

My problem with this fellow is that if he is in fact the atheist he has made himself out to be and the trends are in anyway accurate, he very well might fall under the banner of a progressive. Sure, some progressives have a smug sense of self-satisfaction, but one part of being progressive includes tolerance. In this case, however, tolerance for the religious is not a part of his political DNA. That, in my mind, makes his just as bad as people who don't tolerate marriage equality.

People are always going to believe what they want. Sometimes, however, we drift into areas where others might not feel comfortable challenging such strong postulations, but just because no one is there is defend the other side, doesn't meant its wrong.

Day 26

2010-07-26T17:22:00.001+09:00

Confession time.

Yesterday, I went to the park with some friends. Going to the park, forest, woods, grassy fields, creek, river, lake, beach, ocean or mountains is my absolute favorite thing to do and I'm up for it almost anytime of the day or year. Well, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Before going to the park, my wife, one of her co-workers and I went to see Inception. Excellent film and even better score. In fact, I can only think of a few scores that I like better: The Mission-my personal favorite, Lawrence of Arabia, Psycho, Last of the Mohicans, Legends of the Fall, Rudy, Cape Fear, Born on the Fourth of July and, of course, Jaws. It made it into my top ten, so that's pretty good.

After the movie, my wife and her buddy decided to go to a wax museum. I'm not a fan of museums that don't include the names "history", "natural" or "national", so I decided to head to the park to meet some friends. We set up some shading tents, got the tunes roaring and started setting up some of the prepared food that we had brought. Before I knew it, I was tempted by my old friend, makgeolli.

Unfortunately, I let it win. All day we sat there; from 12pm to well past 9pm, drinking, laughing and having a ball. By the time I made it home, I was plenty drunk and went straight to bed. Apparently, my tolerance for booze has weakened over the past few years and it has certainly sat out the past few months, so let's just say that I was a mess. My wife, however, wasn't too angry or anything and helped me into bed.

Getting into bed wasn't the problem though. I woke up this morning at 2am and smiled a little because I thought that it was early Sunday morning. Of course, my alarm went off three hours later and the urgency of Monday landed heavily on my red crusted eyes. I was still smashed, but had no option but to go into work and teach. My first class doesn't have that many students in it and since it's the end of the term, they usually start to flake out. Not today. No, sir. All of them were in there and ready to learn. The problem was, I wasn't ready to teach. My hearing was all weird, my eyes were blurry and I felt like I had to poop every few minutes. I did in fact.

I taught my first two classes and then called it a day. I had to go home and sleep it off. Cancelling classes is easy in my position, so I didn't care about that and probably should have cancelled them all. I did care, however, that I had not only broken my Jain rules, but I did so in such an extreme way that I made my body sick which ended up interrupting my daily responsibilities. That was not very Jain-y of me.

Or was it?

During my recovery yoga session and meditation this afternoon, I started to think about how sick I was early and how foolish it was for me to intentionally poison myself in the name of a cause--that being "fun". However, Jainism, to me, seems to be more of a punishment or mortification of my body and flesh than a beer. I'm certainly killing myself slowly by partaking in unhealthy habits and behaviors, but don't some of these rituals equate to violence against myself?

Regardless, I broke one of the rules and now am having to pay the price.

Karma.

Day 25

2010-07-25T20:33:00.000+09:00

The very basis of Jainism is self-denial. Today is the start of my final week as a Jain and self-denial has been pretty darn hard. Denying myself the use of money, option of purchasing items, clothing, cooking, cursing, drinking, meat, fish and traveling have been pretty hard. In Korea, I'm often duped into eating meat even when I ask for no meat. At many restaurants, the owners will toss my request to the side and instead tell me that "it's better with meat in it" rather than respecting my wishes. It's been hard, but following the Great Five Vows has been rewarding thus far.

Self-denial is the act of denying things that the self wants. Denying the self is much different and just the other day, the queen of living in denial made her way into the headlines again.

Rather than moving on or admitting her mistake, she dug in.

This woman lives in clear denial of who she is and what she really stands for. She is asking us to celebrate dishonesty and manipulation whenever she gets caught in a lie or deception. The Five Great Vows of Jainism are simple. They are a renunciation of 1) killing living things, (2) lying, (3) greed, (4) sexual pleasure and (5) worldly attachments. Palin lives in violation of every single one of these. She kills animals unnecessarily; she lies; she's greedy; has conflicting ideas on sexuality; and doesn't shy away from flashing her material assets.

The danger with people like her is that her modus operandi is easy to mimic and even easier to follow. Take her Facebook page for instance.

Look at what Mark and Shirley said. They admire her "honest[y]" and what she "stands for". From a Jain perspective, she represents pure evil. From a Christian perspective, she represents the same. However, "representing" something and "standing for" something are much different. Palin claims to stand for a lot of things and that is what people like and attribute to her, but she actually doesn't represent any of those things.

I think there's a lesson in here though.

e who looks inwardly at the self revels in the self;
He who revels in the self looks inwardly at the self

I personally don't think Sarah Palin is evil. I do, however, think she's a dangerous leader insofar that she doesn't know her true self at all and that ignorance--whether it's willful or not--creates this faux-reality where she can represent some of the most evil and despicable ideals in this world, yet appear to be stand for what people think is admirable.

Here's an example: A person can stand for the idea of marriage and since they perhaps have been "happily" married for over forty years, people believe that it's true and rarely seek any more information. However, if you were to ask that person why he is "happy" or even his wife about the details of their relationship, another story might emerge. In fact, he might turn out to be Larry Craig.

Sarah Palin claims that she stands for abstinence-only education. People see that and assume she stands for a more conservative approach to sexual education and some Christians might even believe that she is on their side. However, a closer look at that stance conflicts with the reality which is that she knew her teenage daughter was having sex in her own house and chose to do nothing about it until it was time to collect politically.

Living in denial is pretty dangerous, Sarah.

Day 24

2010-07-24T18:20:00.000+09:00

It's my last Saturday as a Jain. My wife and I were going to go to a water park, but when the entire population of Seoul and the surrounding province also realizes that the rainy season is coming to an end, that makes for hellish traffic and even worse lines. I had a student who went to one of them last week and he said that he waited for two hours to take one of the slides. I asked him why he did that.

"I was with a girl and she wanted to ride it, so I had to wait," he told me.

Typical. I'd do the same thing for my wife, though. Part of becoming a Buddhist and Jain has been learning the value of patience. We have to embrace patience and its tests with enthusiasm, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm shocked adults actually wait that long for something as pointless as a slide or a roller coaster. As a child, we don't know the value of time, so wasting it didn't seem like it was much of a problem. And I'm very well aware that when I have children, my wife and I are going to have to endure hours and hours of mind-numbing queuing just so our children can feel excitement for thirty seconds.

Still, why do adults do it?

After all, you're not learning anything from it, nor is it a new experience that could change you in any profound way. Aside from masturbation, drugs and alcohol, I think the thrill people seek from roller coasters and water parks is one of the highest forms of self-gratification we can find. And in some respects, it's worse because we waste so much time in preparation. Jain take:

The self is known with difficulty; having known it, it is difficult to constantly bear it in mind; for the man who does so bear it in mind, it is difficult to refrain from sense gratification.

I know my self well enough to know that the thrill I get from riding a roller coaster does not outweigh the time lost waiting for it.

So long as a man does not know the self, he indulges in sense gratification; the yogi, averse from sense gratification, knows the self.

Alright, but I know my self, yet would still go and waste all that time if my wife wanted to go. I won't lie and say that I am totally averse to sense gratification that I get from drop tower rides and even if I were, is it wrong that I want to allow my wife to enjoy it?

Some men knowing the self are forgetful of their true nature and wander about in the four states of existence; fools engrossed in sense-gratification.

I guess this is me. I know my self and still choose to do my best for my wife which, in some way, is gratifyingly satisfying.

What I'm getting at is that sometimes, we can't follow the path. Life presents itself in many different lights and creates all sorts of obstacles that are impossible to avoid. Next week, my wife's cousins are coming in town and they want to go to an amusement park. Next weekend also happens to be the start of the unofficial vacation week in Korea. Everyone will be at Lotte World and that includes me.

What are my options though?

1) Complain that these children are being too sense gratifying and suggest we all do yoga instead?

2) Pay for them to go with my wife while I stay at home doing something less gratifying?

3) Go, but sit down and read scripture the whole time?

4) Wait in line with the kids, but skip out just before it's my turn so as to avoid gratification?

5) Go with the kids, wait in line with them and ride with them because that's what a good husband does for his wife and her family?

It's not a hard decision, but where does one draw the line between loyalty to others and the liberation of ones soul? My student ended up having a horrible time at that water park and he now regrets going. Would he have regretted NOT going even more?

Day 23

2010-07-23T13:41:00.000+09:00

It's around noon right now and I'm sitting quietly at my desk. The air is blowing in from the windows behind me and there's nothing that can upset me right now. About an hour ago, my wife and I went to the doctor. She needed a shot before our Vietnam trip in September and I was going to get my blood pressure checked. If you remember from a few months ago, I had somewhat elevated blood pressure. What I didn't tell you is just how high it was.

145/88

That's high and while I could go over and over all the nasty and unhealthy food and life decisions I've made in my past, it doesn't change the fact that my pressure was high. Not only is my health one of those things that I like to pretend is always good, but it's also something that I have liked to avoid thinking about. For a solid month, my wife had been trying to get me to go in and get my blood pressure checked and for a solid month, I made up excuses. Today, I couldn't make anything up and together we took our pressure. I also visited a doctor, but first we decided to use one of those machines located in the waiting room. She went first.

109/69

That's good. She's always had pretty healthy flow throughout her veins and even though some might say that's she's a little on the low side of the spectrum, it's better than being on the high side. Blood pressure naturally rises with age. She'll be fine.

Now, it was my turn. Since I have a problem with my blood pressure, I am a little embarrassed by it. I can joke about it because I'm self-deprecating, but when it actually comes down to it, I don't want my health problems to be a discussion topic for other people. As I've mentioned before, Koreans are food snobs, so if they see a foreigner with high blood pressure, they will use that as ammo to repeat their "All Western food is unhealthy" mantra. Of course, as I was slipping my arm into the hole, a man in his early forties decided to stand directly behind me. I glanced back at him and gave him a look, but he didn't budge. Koreans don't care for personal space.

Source: ROKetship

There was nothing I could do about it, so I turned back around, pushed the "start" button and waited as the air filled up the sleeve around my arm. I used to think I had a little trick for lowering my numbers. You see, I first noticed that my blood pressure was a little higher than normal back in college. My step-father has blood pressure issues and has a little tester at home, so one day while on vacation, I strapped it on. The results weren't great, so I started coming up with ways to cheat it. I thought that if I held my breath then the pressure of blood flowing would decrease and therefore lower my numbers. That was wrong and a doctor here in Korea told me that I was pretty dumb for trying that.

"Why would you try to fool yourself?"

I couldn't answer that question. Why do I try to fool myself? It's my health and my life. Foolishness.

The pressure around my arm slowly started to release and the numbers on the counter started dropping. I was nervous, my wife was worried and the douche face behind me was entertained. Finally the number stopped.

119/78

Victory. I was more than relieved and stood up immediately to share the excitement of my amazing results with my wife. The guy behind me sat down, so I made sure to stand directly behind him and watch his results.

186/107

He needs to take medicine.

You might be asking what this and Jainism have in common. Well, my diet this month has been healthy and minimal. I don't overeat, nor do I eat salty things. This diet and my Buddhist diet have been very healthy. I also weighed myself.

144lbs

That's down from 158. It's a big drop, sure, but not as big as during my Buddhist month where I dropped from 162 to 139. I need to be more aware of what I'm putting into my mouth and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who need to do the same.

2010-07-22T13:51:00.001+09:00

Today was a normal day for me. I ate some tofu soup for lunch and then a piece of bread that one of my elementary school students offered me for dinner. It was some mocha bread or something average, but it was enough. I'm taking my vitamins and exercising a lot, so don't worry. I think I'm pretty healthy. I find out tomorrow at the doctor, so we'll see, huh? I know that my wallet is feeling pretty good since I haven't spent much of anything this month. I did have to spend a couple times, but I have reduced spending by over 90%. It's been pretty great not worrying about checking accounts and cash. I've never been good at that stuff.

Today was one of the first totally clear days with no traces of rain that we've had in Seoul all month, so after work I headed to the park to clean up trash. I'm privately calling this clean-up effort "Bridges to Beauty" for the simple reason that my cleaning route weaves back-and-forth between the twenty-seven bridges that span the Han River. Here are some of them so you can get an idea of how much cleaning I have ahead of me.

I started between Banpo Bridge and Hannam Bridge today, but as I now know, it'll take days to clean it all up by my lonesome. Luckily, I have some time and don't really want to bother organizing a large group of people just yet. I have plans for that in the future, but not now. Now is just for me and the land.

I rode my bike there and parked it in a nice little cove between some tall bushes and a line of ginkgoes. Aside from my backpack, all I had with me was a trash bag, some super cool gardening gloves, my sunglasses, tunes in my ears and a nice set of Korean made metallic tongs designed for the very purpose of picking up trash. I was pretty excited to do it also. It was about seven o'clock when I got out there, so I had about an hour of manageable light.

I slowly made my way from one side of the first field to the next. There was a fair amount of trash to collect, but most of it was cigarette butts and plastic bottles. I thought about my own careless behavior when it came to disposal of butts. For years and years I casually and thoughtlessly tossed my butts wherever I was standing without even the slightest concern for where they landed, how long they'd be there or who'd be picking them up. This is payback or karma even and as a Jain, a need to escape this cycle. If I ever smoke again (and just for regular trash also), I will never throw it on the ground again. Picking up old butts with metal tongs in the summer heat isn't all too fun and it's not fair to other people or the earth.

Cleaning the park was great, though. Doing something responsible for the environment is always a worthwhile endeavor and very important for a Jain (Bhogopbhog Pariman Vrata )...

This vow restricts them from unlimited consuming of natural resources

...but the real story was in the response that I was getting. As a foreigner in Korea, there is a certain level of expectation that most people have of us. Sometimes they're about non-teachers and others times they're all about us, but in the end, most Koreans see us as temporary "gap-yearers" looking for a good time, curious women and easy cash. Unfair sure, but that's the nature of the Korean beast.

While I was picking up trash, I had my earphones and sunglasses on and was 100% focused on the task at hand while impossibly trying to avoid stepping on insects. After ten or so minutes, I started to feel the long stares. Soon those stares got closer and turned into sporadic rounds of applause from runners and other park-goers. Finally, an older woman who looked to be close to seventy approached me, rested her arm on my shoulder and said "Thank you" in English. After a solid hour of scrounging for trash, I had gotten over a dozen "thank yous" in both Korean and English, a handful of "whys", three helping hands and even an offering of water and chicken. I turned down the chicken.

The response was overwhelming and it made me think of a couple things. One, I was astounded by the outpouring of appreciation and have decided that in August (after the rainy season subsides), I'm going to organize a very small but dedicated group of teachers and Koreans to tackle this project head-on. And two, why was I being thanked for cleaning the earth?

This concept baffles me in many ways. I understand Korean citizens were surprised that, as one of my students put it, "a foreigner would be cleaning something other than his motherland." I get that, but saying thanks to me for cleaning is odd. I did the same thing in the United States in college at Sequoyah Park in Knoxville and not a single soul said a word to me. Is it only because I'm a foreigner and doing something that other foreigners typically don't do or was it shocking for them to see someone who is clearly volunteering their own time to clean? "Thank you" is simply a verbal acknowledgement of appreciation and these Koreans clearly appreciated that I was cleaning up "their" land, but is it really theirs to thank for? Sure, political borders dictate that it is, but shouldn't we be treating the entire earth as ours?

I'm not cleaning the park for gratitude. I'm doing it because I love this earth and all the creatures on it. Beautifying a park is such an easy way to show appreciation for this world and to tell the truth, the thanks that I got certainly did inspire me to do more, so it was not in vain. Imagine if we all thanked each other for cleaning the earth and together, we all mutually felt the satisfaction of helping in some way or another?

I bet we'd have a much cleaner and more beautiful world in which to raise our children.

On a side note, I ended up collecting about 40 liters worth of trash from about two acres of land. It was a win. I have the doctors appointment tomorrow. Wish my blood pressure luck!

Day 21

2010-07-21T20:29:00.004+09:00

When I got to work this morning, it was nice and silent. No one was there yet which was a real treat. For the past two years, it's been just me in the office for a solid thirty minutes before the first soul walked though that door. I could quietly do some work and allow the morning to slowly take hold off me. I miss those days, but you can't stop the rain by complaining, so I enjoyed my time this morning. It's not that I like being alone all the time, it's just nice to have a moment to yourself outside of the house.

My routine changes every now and then, but it's safe to say that I'll get on Facebook at some point during the first few hours of my day to see what's cooking. Today, I saw that an old friend was getting ready for his bachelor party. I didn't even really know that he was getting married. I knew he was serious but that was it. In fact, several of my friends from college have also gotten married and each time I look at subsequent the pictures, I get a little sad. I've been in Korea longer than I was in college. I never saw that coming, but for some reason, I knew back then that something was about to change. I wrote this before heading to Seoul.

I'll only post one time before I go, but I felt that a pre-Seoul update would be worth it.

I left Knoxville yesterday, July 6th, after a week with great friends and family. It was different though. Sure, I'm leaving for a year, but there seemed to more than just that on everyone's mind. We are all leaving (at least most of us) and although it was unspoken, we all knew that we would never hang out in Tennessee like that again, let alone Knoxville. Yeah, we'll meet for homecoming or some other function, but the days of 'good clean fun', as we playfully called all excessive behavior, are over.

Not to fret though. I sincerly believe that we will all continue to remain close, despite the distance. Of course, time will tell and we all have a journey ahead of us, but we must remember the simple joys we all bring to each other...

See you in Korea.

And I was right. Most of that crew has not hung out in Tennessee like that again. I remember driving away on July 5th with a tear in my eye wanting to turn around and say goodbye again, but I had to go. I had to start my journey and it has certainly turned out to be one hell of a great ride. Still, every once and while, when I hear a special song or smell a certain smell, the memories of my past friendships come rushing back and the feeling is still as fresh now as it was when I was here for only a week.

I searched through my Ipod library. I cruised through AC/DC, Ah ha, Al Green, Allman Brothers, America, Beach Boys, Beatles, Big Brother and the Holding Company, Billy Joel, Billy Ocean, Bob Dylan, Bob Marley and then I spotted my selection: Bob Seger. I knew what song I needed. It's a song that I hold so dear to my heart. It is probably the song that my college friends and I listened to more than any other. I selected it and the guitar started playing. I sat there for a second and waited for the lyrics to start.

The song continued and I didn't miss a beat. I wasn't walking alone during t hat song. I was walking with a wealth of memories of some of the greatest people I have ever met. I was walking with them and they were walking right along side of me; singing, playing, dancing and reminding me what is important and truly priceless in this world.

And to be honest, nothing has changed. I still carry them and those times with me everywhere I go. My life now is much more complicated than it was then for sure, but even in their total absence for years, I have never really felt lonely. Again, I have a great wife, plenty of solid friends here and a ton of pre-college pals in addition to that early-aught crew, but I have always felt a pitted sensation when I think about the separation of our group. I know that Buddism and Jainism tell me that I should detach myself from people for they will only cause me pain, but I just can't do that totally. I'm a social creature. All humans are.

Perhaps I'm a victim of "immigrant time warp" and my affection gauge is a little whacked. Maybe my friends have grown apart a lot since I left or maybe they've stayed the same; I don't know really. I do know that I still view them as warmly as I did years ago and plan on jumping right back into the scene (albeit in a married sort of way) once we return.

I assumed all people were similar to me which is why I found a recent Psychology Today article titled, "Are Americans Becoming More and More Isolated?" so surprising. It argues, among other things, that we are becoming more isolated from others because we have moved away from our hometowns, friends and family in search of work which leads to loneliness. I disagree with that, but my mother often tells me that she was surprised that I was able to stay in a University that was so far away from her. At that point, I never thought about it much thought. Same as being in Korea. It's been a bunch of years, but I still think the last time we saw each other was very recent (eight months).

So, maybe I'm different. Maybe I have a greater ability to detach myself from people and in a way I agree. I've always been a roll-with-the-punches guy and able to move from one group of people to the next, but therein lies the problem. I'm not moving on and staying detached. I'm just reattaching myself somewhere else.

The article started with two interesting questions:

1. Looking back over the last six months - who are the people with whom you discussed matters important to you?

2. How many friends outside of your household do you have that you see or speak to at least once a week?

I'm going to answer question #2 first. I see maybe four or five a week (colleagues excluded) and talk to (SMS/Skype/Facebook/Email excluded) about the same each week. According to the stats, I'm pretty average. Adding in all the other mediums, I would increase to about nine to fifteen a week. Once I got married, I pretty much decided that my wife was going to be the one who I spent most of my time with. Isn't that the point?

The second question is where I bring in Jainism. Discussing important matters is, well, important, but defining that importance is the greater battle rather than simple finding a person to vent to. The concept of Jain detachment can be used in the real world. Lord Mahavir spent twelve years in the forest practicing Aparigraha. During that time he meditated deeply and tried to separate himself from his worldly desires. That's not really practical, but it can help us on two levels.

First of all, we can mediate before bringing other people into our desirous world of problems. While meditating, things really do become very clear and lucid. The universe that dwells within each of us is an endless and largely untapped well of wisdom and guidance. Any problem that is properly meditated on (or thought-out), may prove to not be a problem at all or might in fact prove to be more easily solved than originally thought.

The second part of this is that I don't think people need to use friends at sounding boards for venting frustrations. Friendship, to me, has more to do with mutual benevolence and shared experience than it does a cliff from which we loft complaints. I had a buddy in college that when I would ask how he was, he would respond, "I'm depressed." Burdening people with your problems is not what a friend does, especially since we have the capacity to solve them on our own.

As for me, well, I love my wife, my family, my dog, my friends and all the people I have in my life. That's why they are still in my life. That said, I also have enjoyed the extreme nature in which Jainism has suggested that I severe ties with people. I know that sounds harsh, but it teaches you the value of yourself and the amazing capacity that we have within all of us to accept, evaluate and manage basic human problems.

Rather than picking up the phone to whine, try sitting silently and thinking.

Day 20

2010-07-20T09:56:00.000+09:00

Marrying someone from another country has its ups and downs. And while the ups are much more pronounced, the downs must also be considered. Fortunately, the downs are pretty minor and are mostly centered around food issues. As an American, I prefer a more tomato-based diet insofar that I like tomato sauces, ketchup, BLT's and tomato soup. As a Korean, my wife prefers a more pepper-based diet. Most Korean food--and I mean almost every dish--is seasoned in a red chili powder which gives it a red shade. Sometimes these preferences lead us to disagree about what we want for dinner. I'm pretty tolerant of any sort of food, yet, whenever I'm really hungry, I want Western cuisine and similarly, she craves Korean. This month, however, I've pretty much had no choice. She's the boss.

Luckily for me, my palate has grown quite accustomed to Korean food, so it's not that big of a deal. Yesterday, however, was a special day in Korea. It's the day when everyone seeks out a specific dish to combat the heat.

Samgyetang

There is a history behind this soup and some health benefits as well, but the amount of enthusiasm that Koreans have year after year for this dish is stunning. Since all of my food must be offered, I have very few options when my wife wants to eat at a certain restaurant. She would never force me to eat meat or something I didn't like (and I don't like this ginseng chicken dish by the way), but from the looks of the crowded restaurant we were in yesterday, I thought I might be alone on that one. But the more I think about it, I don't think I am.

As mentioned above, I have a very adventurous appetite. I've eaten every fruit and vegetable offered in Asia as well as live-octopus, whale, shark fin, crocodile, dog, pig face, cow intestines, kangaroo, ostrich, seal, eel, chicken heart, chicken feet, chicken gizzard, spiders, scorpions, silkworm pupae, cicadas and sea horses. Hell, I even tried this:

Gae-bool

Each time I eat a new (and rather odd) dish here in Korea, it always is accompanied by a long lecture about how healthy it is and why it's probably the healthiest in the world (and certainly much better than whatever they believe American cuisine to be). I had a student yesterday claiming that Korean ginseng is superior to all other ginseng and while it might be true (I have no knowledge either way), he only offered a because-because argument.

Do Koreans like their food for health first and taste second? Or is it the other way around? Maybe it's just ingrained in their minds that three times a year, eating ginseng chicken is what is done. After all, Americans do the same thing at Thanksgiving. As my past blood pressure can attest to, I always preferred the tasty food rather than the health food and, to my detriment, my 27-year old clogged arteries paid the price. However, there is a lot of healthy AND tasty food in Korea. So why can't it be both?

One of the joys of doing these religions is that I get to participate in the actual worship. This was impossible for me this month as there aren't any Jain temples in Korea, but I did get to read about some of the rules while performing rituals in the temple. There are eight items to perform (paju).

Naivedya symbolizes tasty food. By doing this puja, one should

      thrive to reduce or eliminate attachment to tasty food.  Healthy
      food is essential for survival, however one should not live for
      tasty food.  Ultimate aim in one's life is to attain a life where
      no food is essential for survival.  That is the life of a liberated
      soul who lives in Moksha for ever in ultimate blissful state.
Liberating myself from food is something that I have tried to master this month. I've been at this for 20 days and I can say that my opinion of food has changed a lot. At first, I wanted it because I couldn't have it. That desirous stage lasted a few solid days where I would find myself positioning in hopes of being offered something. After I broke that cycle, food became a simple annoyance. I needed it, but since I could get it for myself, I just got irritated by the whole thing. Now, I'm starting to realize that food has lost a lot of it zing for me. Essentially, the immediate gratification that some food offers isn't something that I'm seeking out anymore. My palate has calmed a bit and I think that some food that I used to consider gross and bland (healthy) has actually proven itself to be pretty tasty. 


The very concept of what is and isn't tasty is learned from childhood. It's cultural and just like so many other aspects of our lives, we create barriers and stereotypes that limit our exposure   with shallow demonetizations of what isn't "ours". I am not liberated from my desire to eat delicious food. That will take years and years of practice. What has happened, though, is that my palate has once again proven to me that it has an ability to change and adapt. Some food is both healthy and tasty and while I think it's foolish to write off something because it is delicious, the larger lesson here is that people should not be slaves to their own cultural palate. Liberation comes in many forms and the Jains have realized that. 


I have a doctors appointment on Thursday. Time to see if my diet has helped with my blood pressure. And even if it hasn't, at least I won't be worried when they tell me to eat more veggies and fruit.

Day 19

2010-07-19T16:47:00.001+09:00

Lately I've been having the most vivid dreams and I'm not sure why. There doesn't appear to be any connection from one dream to the next, but this heavy amount of dreaming is taking a serious toll on my ability to wake up refreshed in the morning. Since I wake up quite early in the morning, I make a habit of changing my alarm sound every week so as not to allow my mind to subconsciously ignore the day's starting bell. It used to work well, but not so much anymore. My wife is actually having to jostle me from my slumber and I hate that. Today was no different. My alarm went off in the middle of a dream and it took me several minutes to even recognize that the music had blended in with the dream and changed its course. My wife, who is a pretty light sleeper, assisted with a firm push that basically sent me off the bed and onto the floor. I snapped out of it, but remained in a very groggy state until work, where I got a heavy dose of tragedy.

Luckily, nothing happened to my friends or family, but as I was reading the Korean news, I came across this photo.

A related article described what had happened.

A 20-year-old Vietnamese woman in Busan was last week stabbed to death by her Korean husband, who had a history of mental illness. She had got married just eight days before her death in a wedding arranged by an international matchmaking firm.

If you were to read the article, you'd get a better picture of the situation here in Korea. Due to many circumstances (gender imbalance, income gap, poverty, discrimination, face, mental illness, familial pressure) Korean men who live in rural areas are finding it very hard to find a Korean bride and are instead seeking them in SE Asia by-way of privately owned matchmaking firms. Seeking marriage in this fashion isn't evil unto itself, but when one factors in the strong sense of superiority and nationalism within Asian ethnicities, a simple spat can turn into something much more grizzly. They all seem to think they are the best and most worthy of respect from the rest. Koreans are certainly no different and, following suit, some of these men with $10,000 who purchase their bride tend to think that they are quite the catch. So much in fact that the Korean government has started mandatory classes to teach these cross-continent bride-seekers...

... that it is wrong to think that they are buying a wife and to hide things about themselves.

The current case is an interesting one for sure and will probably require new government regulations designed to protect both the brides and grooms from fraudulent matchmaking firms. Still, this poor Vietnamese woman has lost her life and when it gets down to it, only the man is directly guilty. Or is he?

"I committed the murder after hearing a voice from a ghost," he told police during the investigation. "He told me to kill my wife."

It's going to be hard to jail a man who has been in and out of mental institutions over fifty times in the past five years, but if there is no punishment, then the diplomatic ties between Vietnam and South Korea are certain to suffer. It highlights the fine line that we walk when we don't call a murder by its name.

As a Jain, killing of any sort is wrong and while I was reading scripture today, I came across the concept of Santhara or "voluntary death by fasting." This, to me, seems to conflict with the very foundation of what Jainism is, but I am in fact wrong on that front.

Santhara is the Jain practice of voluntary and systematic fasting to death. Jain texts say it is the ultimate route to attaining moksha [liberation] and breaking free from the whirlpool of life and death [karma].

It's suicide and even though Jains call it by another name, there's no disputing that it's an intentional death. Personally, I've never really seen a problem with thoughtful people who have decided to end their life. Whether it be because of terminal illness or a similar situation that Hunter S. Thompson faced, I don't think it's my place to tell people what they can and can't do. Remember, live and let live? Or to quote Paul McCartney, "Live and Let Die".

No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun -- for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax -- This won't hurt. -Hunter S. Thompson

One of the things that I so love about some of these Indian philosophies is that they are practical and rarely engage in spiritual duality. This is a clear blurring of the lines which creates and almost excuses extreme behavior. They claim that normal depression-induced suicide is hasty and emotional and while I agree that only the weak commit suicide, I also believe that people who kill themselves in the name of a "cause" are less martyrs than they are convenient fishers of pity. Dying for a cause is noble. Killing yourself for a self-defined cause is an excuse for quitting.

We can dress up the word "suicide" all we want, but it boils down to a very simple fact that dying by your own hands for your own benefit is no more noble than killing a person for some sort of gain. I would never dream of condemning a religion for such an act as I believe "live and let live" is more powerful than my simple opinion ever will be, but sometimes we've caught to call 'em as we see 'em. The Korean man who saw a murderous ghost instructing him to kill is the same as the Jain who wants to believe that forced starving equates to liberation. It's lipstick on a pig to me.

Day 18

2010-07-18T12:26:00.002+09:00

The rest of yesterday went well. I meditated on my foolishness and tried to see beyond this simple provocation in hopes that I could avoid it in the future. It wasn't difficult just like most things and luckily, I'm able to give myself the time to really sort my thoughts and balance impulse with sensibility. Of course I apologized, but we all know that an apology is empty without action.

Me: "I'm sorry, honey."

Wife: "You love me, so I know you're sorry. That's not the point, though..."

She's certainly right and sometimes a little too succinct. It saves time for sure, but there are very few people left who will indulge my fluff and bullshit. We talked about it and I shared with her my thoughts about what she said yesterday before heading into class and together we ended up having a great conversation on wisdom, knowledge and how we can grow together.

Towards the end of the conversation, we started discussing the source of what we know to be right and wrong or, simply, where wisdom originates. I am firmly in the camp that believes we know what is right and wrong only if we detach ourselves from the stereotypes of ourselves, gender, race, family, religion, society, culture and country. My wife, however, prefers to believe that wisdom is found in the Christian idea of God and teachings of Christ. Luckily, she's flexible on this a little and can listen to others.

I tried to explain what Jains think about the idea of a creator and creation. It's hard to articulate, though.

"Some foolish men declare that a creator made the world. The doctrine that the world was created is ill advised and should be rejected. If God created the world, where was he before the creation? If you say he was transcendent then and needed no support, where is he now? How could God have made this world without any raw material? If you say that he made this first, and then the world, you are faced with an endless regression."

Interesting point, but one that a stoned high school student could and has made tons of time. It's a chicken and egg argument essentially. Was raw material first or Earth? It continues:

If you declare that the raw material arose naturally you fall into another fallacy, for the whole universe might thus have been its own creator, and have risen equally naturally. If god created the world by an act of will, without any raw material, then it is just his will made nothing else and who will believe this silly stuff?

I think that's what's called "faith".

If he is ever perfect, and complete, how could the will to create have arisen in him? If, on the other hand, he is not perfect, he could no more create the universe than a potter could. If he is formless, actionless, and all-embracing, how could he have created the world?

Here's where it gets really Indian.

Such a soul, devoid of all modality, would have no desire to create anything. If you say that he created to no purpose, because it was his nature to do so then god is pointless. If he created in some kind of sport, it was the sport of a foolish child, leading to trouble. If he created out of love for living things and need of them he made the world; why did he not make creation wholly blissful, free from misfortune? Thus the doctrine that the world was created by god makes no sense at all.

Nothing like a discussion on the logics behind a creator, right?. Nothing is ever solved nor does anyone win. It's a waste of time, but interesting nonetheless. This is what time (related to the universe) looks like to the Jain.

Day 17

2010-07-17T12:34:00.000+09:00

Right now my spectacularly intelligent wife is studying away her Saturday in a Spanish class. I'm impressed by the forward-thinking prerogative she so often lives by. One day, I hope that trait will be somehow passed onto me, but so far I seem to be pretty good at living for the moment. It's raining really hard today and just a few moments ago I got home from bringing the wife to class which means that I am in fact buck naked having just removed my soaked clothes from my drenched body. They're lying in a pile next to the laundry room being thoroughly inspected by my dog for interesting odors. I doubt he'll find anything.

Since we woke up late, we didn't get a chance to eat so, like usual, it could have been an eighteen hour no-food marathon. Luckily, I have started to game this system a little. During the week, my students offer me a lot of stuff. Sometimes it's fruit smoothies and other times it's Korean breads filled with bean paste. It's better than it sounds. Well, today, I remembered that one of my first grade students had offered me a treat last week that I had forgotten all about.

Chocolate-covered sunflower seeds might not sound all that appealing, but since I played baseball as a kid, I was used to the innards and chocolate is fine with me. Unfortunately, my stomach has become pretty sensitive this month and loading it with junk like 해바라기 초코볼 (Sunflower Chocolate Balls) isn't going to do much more than gratify my taste buds and stimulate my bowels. Neither of those really get me going, so I think I'll just snack on a few while I'm writing about the miniature doghouse that I created for myself by being a selfish husband.

Learning selflessness is hard for anyone. I picked up some good tips from Buddha that helped me visualize how my stubbornness or anger can affect those around me. Jains combine selflessness with their very broad understanding of Ahimsa (non-violence) and is pretty clear on the nature these tendancies and how easy it is to get sucked into them.

A man is seated on top of a tree in the midst of a burning forest. He sees all living beings perish. But he doesn't realize that the same fate is soon to overtake him also. That man is fool.

I know what I need to do, but I still choose to ignore it. Today, I ignored that fact, acted foolish and got the wife a little peeved. I usually try to drive her to class whenever possible and even though the rain was pounding down on Seoul, I offered to give her a ride to her class. As you may remember, we only have one motor-scooter and because of safety issues stemming from rain-driving, we only have one full set of rain gear. Being the ~~southern~~ gentlemen that I so proudly am, I gave her the entire suit and happily offered her the protection of my umbrella as I escorted her to the scooter.

Sounds nice, right? Well, once we got in the scooter and started riding to her class, the skies really opened up and doused the city. After a mere ten seconds, I was totally soaked. As we made our way there, I started becoming more and more irritated by the entire situation. I started running through all the other ways that she could have gotten there. Without realizing it, I was subtly shaking my head and making louder-than-usual scoffing sounds. When we pulled up to her school, she got off the bike and turned to me.

"Offering to do something for others and then acting like its an inconvenience is hypocritical and just plain mean-spirited. You should meditate on that, honey."

She didn't shout, nor did she say anything rude. She simply stated the fact that I already knew but chose to ignore. It's easy to be a fool.

Time to meditate.

Day 16

2010-07-16T17:37:00.000+09:00

Here I am, the halfway point. I've followed the rules as closely as possible and have done everything I am supposed to do. I read scripture every day, avoid killing any form of insects or animals, walk carefully, strut naked whenever legal, abstain from flesh, detach myself from my body (hair), speak correctly, meditate daily, only eat when offered, spend no money, reflect on my soul and try to pass as little judgement as possible. I'm doing as much as I can to transform myself into a lay Jain and I've gotta admit that it is hard. The respect that I have streaming from my heart for these followers can't be seen through text, but the brilliance of their sacrifices and dedication can be seen by anyone who dares to open their eyes (like Kucinich did).

While doing research for Jainism, I have stumbled across the same introduction to the religion over and over again: non-violence is the highest religion.

man who is averse from harming even the wind knows the sorrow of all things living. . . . He who knows what is bad for himself knows what is bad for others, and he who knows what is bad for others knows what is bad for himself. This reciprocity should always be borne in mind. Those whose minds are at peace and who are free from passions do not desire to live [at the expense of others]. . . . He who understands the nature of sin against wind is called a true sage who understands karma.

In short be who understands the nature of sin in respect of all the six types of living beings is called a true sage who understands karma.

This is essentially a more complex golden rule and while I'm not yet at the point where I am willing to claim that 'The Golden Rule' is the common thread behind every religion (Jainism has taught me the true complexity of spiritualism), I am honest enough to say that some people would do just as well to adhere to that timeless creed than to any religion.

Non-violence is important to everyone, but there's more behind it as expressed through this quote from :

Live and let live. Love all ‑ Serve all.

We all know the first part of this concept and since it has become an fairly common idiom to English speakers, we even use it in everyday speech. The second half is actually the more important part on which the entire message hinges.

There's a certain southerner in my family who used to lecture me about accepting people who were different from me.

"Different strokes for different folks," he would say.

He usually used it while we were arguing about politics and threw it in there only to end the conversation without having to prove anything. People unfortunately misuse God in this way as well.

The problem with saying it was a "miracle" is that the conversation stops there. Nothing more (or less) can be added. It's a deflection. The same goes for people using idioms like "different strokes for different folks" and "live and let live." They use them usually as deflections or cheap show-stoppers, but have essentially divorced themselves from what it means to live and let live. They have omitted love.

One could easily alter the expression and make it "love and let live", but Olivia Newton-John ruined that one with an awful song that has nothing to do with what I'm saying. For people to truly live and let live they must love unconditionally. They must love other humans as they love animals and insects. They must love the earth as they love their own soul. We should love not because we're told to or because our soul will transmigrate in a certain direction. We should love because every single one of us want the same thing in life: peace.

All beings hate pain, therefore one should not hurt or kill them.

After meditating this evening, I think I got a clearer picture of what the Jain approach to "live and let live" actually is. I think we need to switch the whole thing around.

Serve all
Love all
Live and let live

We should all strive for love, but not the love that we can feel personally. Rather, we should first strive for others' love and not for own. Once everyone else knows love then we can enjoy the emotion with them in its pure form. This scenario is the only way for us to truly live and let live. It's not an deflection or a cheap way to make yourself appear open-minded. It's the only way to achieve peace.

The question is, how easy is it to put into action?

Day 15

2010-07-15T12:31:00.005+09:00

I went to bed last night feeling great. I had a superb meditation, did an extra-long yoga session and finished it off with a bike ride into a cold shower. It's rare that I get to accomplish that much in a single evening, but since I don't work tomorrow morning or evening (I still gotta head to the elementary school), I can stay up a bit later. So, I did and finally hit the hay around 2am. Korea is much more of a late-night country than, say, America. Six hours later I was up and ready to head down to the park for some cleaning. I hopped in the shower, DIDN'T grab a bite and opened the door.

RAIN!

Of course it was raining. I turned on the weather.

RAIN!

I looked at about a dozen or so forecasts online.

RAIN!

RAIN!
RAIN!
RAIN!
RAIN!
RAIN!
CLEAR -nice

RAIN!

It's looked like rain is not only is store for today, but for the entire weekend. Great. You might recall from my Buddhist month that rain was supposed to be one of the greatest days for reflection and meditation. For Jains, rain is not supposed to be a hindrance. Waiting for the rain to stop is the same as waiting in vain for something that is unknown. Bad weather is ceaseless in the life and if we can only do good for ourselves and the world when the weather permits, then we're bound to miss a lot of opportunities for liberation.

I thought about this concept pretty hard and as much as I wanted to follow the words of the Lords, walking around in the soggy grasses of a flooded Han River picking up trash just didn't appeal to the modern and--dare I say--civilized person in me. I decided to call the whole thing off and rework my day.

What to do...

Read scripture? Meditate? Troll around people eating in hopes of being offered some food? Nah. That's boring and I've been doing that for the past two weeks. I've been really careful about not wasting my time these days, but on a day like today, I simply had nothing to do and it occurred to me that aside from this project and reading, I have pretty much nothing else to do inside on a rainy day. Can I allow myself to be super lazy and just watch mindless TV?

Should I exert myself more?

It is said that two definitions of exertion are given; but in what does the exertion of the virtuous consist, and how is it defined? Some say that it consists in works, and the pious in abstention from works. Men appear divided into two classes from this point of view.

Alright, so as a pious follower, I am to abstain from doing anything. Figuring out what that means is hard though. Well, from what I can gather, exertion which "leads to works" will only lead me to fall into the traps of desire. The opposite of that is "exertion not leading to works".

As a tortoise draws its limbs into its own body, so a wise man should cover, as it were, his sins with his own meditation. He should draw in, as it were, his hands and feet, his mind and five organs of sense, the effect of his bad Karman, and every bad use of language.The virtuous exert themselves with regard to the distant end One should live indifferent to one's own happiness, calm, and without any attachment. Do not kill living beings, do not take what is not freely given, do not talk false, treacherous speech! This is the Law of him who is rich in control.

That does bode well for boredom. I think I'll just read a book and listen to the rain fall. Man, Jainism is not for the weak.

Day 14

2010-07-14T18:28:00.000+09:00

The rainy season is certainly upon us here in East Asia. It's pretty rough this summer as well. In fact, this entire year as been marked with extreme weather. Seoul got slammed with a heavy snowstorm and winter blast last January which pretty much stayed with us until mid-May. Spring didn't really even happen and now I'm getting soaked every time I step outside the house. A lot of rain isn't a big deal, but when you have two jobs and a wife that likes to move around the city, wetness becomes more of a problem. However, tomorrow is supposed to be clear and I'm thrilled because I also happen to have a couple days off. The question now is, what should I do?

Well, I've been thinking a lot about organizing a group of people to clean up the Han River banks and surrounding parks. I use the parks down there a lot and have always been a little irked by the amount of trash that builds up. I'm planning on going down there by myself tomorrow morning with a couple jumbo trash bags and get started, but how much can one person do? Like Buddhism and Christianity, Jainism tells us that compassion is paramount and that we need to do things that help others in private and without fanfare. I agree with this to a point, but doesn't there come a time when assistance is needed? I fully agree that most problems in the world come from people focusing on others too much rather than what they need to do for themselves.

Fight with yourself, why fight with external foes? He who conquers himself through himself, will obtain happiness.

Yet, changing the world to make it possible for others to be happy requires a group effort. Let me illustrate a point here. What make people want to help more: A photo of an oil rig or a bird covered in slick?

Of course, most people will look at the oil rig and think 'energy' while people look at the bird and think 'disaster'. Disasters make people feel compassion and a desire to help others and while helping others in need is always a great thing to do, it misses to point. We should look at that oil rig and see 'disaster waiting to happen' and feel the urge to progress past their use, but since we don't spend time fighting with our own conscience and rather waste energy battling and posturing with others, we refuse to see this. If we truly asked ourselves how we could prevent seeing birds covered in oil, a very simple respond would be offered and that would be to change our energy policy, but we don't operate like that. We'd prefer to fight with external foes for the sheer sake of it.

How about these images?

Looks like fun, right? Who doesn't like tailgating?

The people who have to clean this up don't. Showing pictures of trash and oil-covered birds is good because it gets people to think compassionately and act on that emotion, but why must it always come so late? Just like when I had my blood pressure issue a few months ago, it was only after being scared into living healthily did I change. Cleaning dirty birds is great, but after we clean them, where do they go? They end up back in the same high-risk area surrounded by oil rigs just ready to leak again (27,000 to be exact).

It's unfortunate that we do this to ourselves. I believe that we know internally that we're causing damage to ourselves and our world which is why the Jains believe that we have the capacity to make the right decision before it becomes a catastrophe. Humans are what they are and until people start fighting with themselves first, we will have to continue acting on outcomes rather than intuition.

I'm still going to clean up the river tomorrow and I'm also going to promote is on some websites and forums. Not because I want credit, but because this is how people operate. Rather than reusing their cup, it's easier to throw it away. If I get enough people involved then maybe they will start pressing others to start thinking in the same manner and only then can we--as people--start making good decisions internally before reacting to the bad ones externally.

Day 13

2010-07-13T12:38:00.017+09:00

I'm fully used to not eating when I want at this point and scooting nude around the house like a naughty toddler is actually pretty nice. I don't think about clothes all that much which was the point, but the downside is that my laundry is piling up. My wife and I are weekend laundry washers and since Koreans don't use driers, the whole process takes hours and hours for a single load. Sure, clothes tend to last a bit longer, but there is no such thing as doing a quick load on this peninsula. It's an ordeal and one that I haven't been on top of at all this month. Right now, I'm wearing a light blue polo with khakis (I'm at work) and neither of them have been washed since their last appearances. Luckily, I have a lot of socks and boxers.

This evening I'm tutoring a new student. I'm not a fan of tutoring at all, but my wife asked me to do this as a favor since it's for one of her old students' daughters. The little girl is six years old and probably has no real grasp on any aspect on the English language. One of my British friends used to teach her last year, so it's safe to assume that she has a slight accent. I'll fix that though. With kids this age, the teacher must be entertaining and educational. I hate to say it, but edutainment is crucial and, perhaps unfortunately, I've grown quite good at that game. It's a must in the Korean English educational world and even though I dispute its effectiveness, mothers and school administrators believe that English must be fun. So, tonight I have some "fun" English activities in mind that are sure to convince the mother that the $50/hr I charge is worth it.

All of this, of course, makes me think of not only my language education (which was not terribly entertaining), but my religious education. I never went to any officially religious schools. My grade school was secular, but you could tell from the fact that there was like two Jews and very few Catholics that it had a closed-door waspy vibe. My high school was Christian-lite, but always remained unaffiliated. That pretty much leaves my church and since I've only been a member of one, I can only speak from that experience.

My Sunday school tried to teach me the fun parts of Christianity, but they did so in a very boring way. I learned nothing, hated all of my teachers and usually tried to spend as much time in the bathroom as possible. I even started drinking coffee for the sheer sake that it took time to mix as many packages of cream and sugar into a styrofoam cup. I remember one single lesson from my entire decade-plus in attending those classes. I bet you remember this one as well...

Zaccheus was a wee, little man

And a wee, little man was he

He climbed up in a sycamore tree

For the Lord he wanted to see

And as the Savior came that way
He looked up in the tree

And he said,

"Zaccheus, you come down from there"

For I'm going to your house today

Until today, I had no idea who Zaccheus was. All I knew was that he loved trees and insisted on sitting in them. Maybe this song inadvertently affected me because I also love sitting in trees. But that's the point: I attended Sunday school classes for years and never took anything away from it. And it's not for a lack of trying. I was all over Vacation Bible School and have the hand-decorated tote bags to prove it. The problem was that the classes were boring, the teachers were small-minded and the subject matter was limited to lessons about Jesus. It was essentially an exercise in bullshitting ones way through a class.

I don't think the idea of a Sunday School is a bad one though, I just feel like that time could be spent better. Back in the Motherland (UK), they have decided that world religions must be taught in all public schools. They claim it would foster a more caring and tolerant society.

It envisages pupils "appreciating the sense of wonder at the world in which they live, and their response to questions of meaning and purpose", while "recognising that knowledge is bounded by mystery".

I am aware that some American schools teach a few things about other world religions, but the lions share doesn't even bother. Can you image what the conservative faction of America would do if we proposed such a thing? I personally didn't know a thing about world religions (or Christianity) until I picked up a book in my spare time. There are thousands of religions and spiritual traditions around the world and even if we trimmed the fat, there are at least twenty that a majority of the world follow.

Wouldn't it be wise if each individual religion took some time and tried to educate their followers in other religions? Imagine if we actually understood each other and the reasons why practitioners do the things they do. We'd have a much more openly diverse and accepting world.

There is a Jain doctrine called Anekantavada which clearly states that there is always going to be a multiplicity of viewpoints on spirituality. While I was a Buddhist, I came across a parable called "Blind Men and an Elephant" which is common in many Indian religions. (The Jain version is here.)

The story says that six blind men were asked to determine what an elephant looked like by feeling different parts of the elephant's body.

The blind man who feels a leg says the elephant is like a pillar; the one who feels the tail says the elephant is like a rope; the one who feels the trunk says the elephant is like a tree branch; the one who feels the ear says the elephant is like a hand fan; the one who feels the belly says the elephant is like a wall; and the one who feels the tusk says the elephant is like a solid pipe.

A wise man explains to them:

"All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently is because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all the features you mentioned."

Mahavira once told a follower who was curious about the nature of the soul this:

The soul is permanent as well as impermanent. From the point of view of the substance it is eternal. From the point of view of its modes it undergoes birth, decay and destruction and hence impermanent.

The religion itself teaches that there are other ways of thinking and while I'm sure most Jains prefer their methods, this doctrine prevents confidence turning into intolerance.

The sad part is, I bet many people could describe what Bootyism is rather than Buddhism. We all could use a little Anekantavada I think.

Day 12

2010-07-12T12:58:00.000+09:00

I have a short week this week, so I'm in pretty high spirits. On top of that, my wife surprised me with tickets to Vietnam for six days in September, so that'll be pretty fantastic. We've already got the guest-house lined up and I'm eying a few Vietnamese-style motor scooters that we'll rent while we're there. I think a few insects might be in trouble down there, but I'll be a Jew that month, so it doesn't matter now does it?

I'm getting used to this walking around nude business. I get home, shed the clothes and that's it. Done with it until tomorrow. The only part I don't like it when my dog stares at me though. I feel like he knows that I'm doing something different, but since he can't say anything I don't really care. He's naked, too.

***

This morning I was in class and like every Monday morning, my curious students ask me how my weekend was and if I learned anything new about Jainism or life. For some reason they believe that I am much smarter than I actually am and apparently all spiritual questions must be directed at me rather than their priest or resident monk. I'm actually not an authority on anything at all. I wish I could say that I'm a jack of all trades (and master of none), but I have a feeling that only the latter part applies to me. I try to make myself interesting though. At least my wife loves me, right?

Yesterday, I was thinking about how humans are primed for God, gods or a certain deity that has been relevant to their own existence on this rock. We're primed through our friends, family, culture, schools and even language. In the English language for instance, we have a lot of expressions that include the word "god", however, there are no such expressions in Korean. Why? Perhaps because Korea was traditionally a Buddhist nation and America has certainly been dominated by Christians. We don't even realize that we've been primed for a certain religion most of the time, either. It just happens.

That priming pretty much restricts the depths of spiritualism many humans will allow themselves to venture into. I asked a Catholic student, a Buddhist student and an agnostic student whether they preferred a practical religion or a notional religion, but before I did that, I tricked them a little. I randomly listed qualities of each type of religion without identifying their origins. Students discussed why they liked what they did and even defended their position. Then, after they had fully supported their own reasoning, I revealed which trait went with each type for religion and again, I asked them which one they preferred. All of them changed their position and went back to their original (and primed) point of view. That is what priming does to our minds. It limits us.

I used to hear people say, "I'm spiritual, not religious..." and I always let it go because I too used to use it when I didn't want to get into a conversation about my personal take on religion. I have yet to call someone on that, but I have a feeling that their statement could be changed around to say, "I'm spiritually inept, not religiously fervent." Maybe I'm being too harsh, but I'd love to hear someone discuss spirituality without discussing religion.

Or maybe I have this all wrong.

When I was in the third grade, I had a teacher named Inka Goell Odom. She was a German-born immigrant who used to tell us stories of her house being bombed during World War II. Being the age that I was at that time, I never thought much about it, but Goell (her maiden name) is certainly a German name, but it might even be an old Hebrew name. (Then again, it might be an old Jain name as well, so who knows?) I wonder what the actual details of her departure from Germany were. According to the Yellow Pages, she still lives in the same house she did when I was nine, so I guess I could give her a ring and ask her. I won't though. She might not remember me and that would be embarrassing.

Either way, she fittingly taught European history and focused heavily on the arts and cultural scene of Western Europe. We discussed everything from Monet and Mozart to Robert the Bruce and Henry VIII. In fact, it was in her class that I first watched Amadeus. And while she sounds like she might be all about the Battle of Hastings (1066) and Magna Carta (1215)--both of which she taught me--she had another side to her. Whenever our class was asked to sit quietly, she wouldn't trust us to actually do it, so she would have us meditate.

All of the other classes would be going wild, but not us. No sir. We had to sit in a tantric circle chanting "Oooommm" over and over again. I clearly remember how odd I felt that it was. Why are we doing this? Why can't I play? However, after doing it several times a day for nine months, I started to see the value in it. It was calming. Technically, I have yet to do any Oooommm-ing for this project, but I really dig meditation. Maybe, that is what I could call being "spiritual, not religious". Of course, the problem is that it was religious. Tantra is a form of worship and is part of many religions! I do it everyday as a Jain. Just because you don't know it's religious doesn't mean that you can claim detachment from religion.

Or maybe there's something bigger at play here.

Maybe, it's that every religion offers a little of what we need. I know this to be true and so do most people. Yet, we sometimes refuse to allow ourselves to listen to others and especially other religions. Religion is not a competition. It's a way to define, explain and comfort our souls.

Day 11

2010-07-11T14:34:00.001+09:00

I took a good look at myself in the mirror this morning. I've lost a bit of weight, but since everyone has been offering me a whole lot, I've haven't really had to go without meals for a real long period of time. Something odd has happened though. Since shaving my head (which is growing tremendously fast by the way) I've had more of an urge to exercise. Maybe it's because I look manlier than usual or perhaps I'm channeling the GI inside me, but I'm just in the mood to work out. I'm sure I'll get burned out soon. I'm never great at keeping the routine up.

***

I have a student who is depressed and "tired of being alive". He's having a tremendous amount of difficulty at work (long hours, poor pay, no respect) and just doesn't see anything on the horizon for him to look forward to. The sad thing is is that he is one of my most enthusiastic students who is always ready to engage in a great discussion following a sometimes complicated lecture. He has a cool confidence that radiates off him which changes the trajectory of the class itself. As a teacher, he is the student that we all want. He's smart, witty, ballsy and possesses a brilliant self-deprecating sense of humor that is quite rare for Koreans.

Still, he is depressed and I shouldn't take this lightly. No one should. But in Korea, depression is far too often ignored and mislabeled as work-related stress. Since depression often goes undiagnosed here, students and adults alike take to throwing themselves off buildings. Putting the books down or taking a day off of work doesn't cure depression. Neither does quitting your job. It takes help from friends, family and maybe even doctors. There isn't a single cure and realizing that is half the battle.

During my Buddhist month, I had a student who was having a lot of trouble deciding whether or not to move to Vancouver for a year. She was worried about culture shock and friends and missing family and all of that stuff. Normal things to worry about, but she was considering skipping the entire adventure because she would miss her "life". She was raised a Buddhist, so I referred her to some Buddhist text about making decisions and personal strength. It really helped her and she moved to Canada. Of course, I have no idea how she is doing there, nor will I ever see or hear from her again, but she claimed that the Buddha's words helped her.

The next month (as a Catholic) I faced another situation where a student was very anti-Christian. He would always scoff when the faith was mentioned and offered very typical arguments when some of my Christian students would discuss Jesus. To me, it sounded like something bad happened to him and he decided to blame God for it. I really don't like it when people disrespect other peoples' faith, so I stepped in there and expressed what I think about the phrase "God is Love". He listened and since he was a Christian in high school (before being conscripted to the military), he knew the books I was quoting from. The next month he wasn't in class. Eventually he came by and told me that he couldn't take my classes anymore because he had gotten involved with the church again.

This month, I face another problem and what I tried to do was to refer him to some Jain texts. I tried a few, but since Jainism is a solo venture of the soul which teaches that the world is a cursed place full of suffering and pain, I find that the message doesn't sit well with him. I can offer him a lecture or methods of liberating himself, but many of those messages just don't sit well with him. I can tell him that happiness comes from within, but what happens if someone feels empty already?

Here's what it boils down to: People are primed for their own religion. They navigate their own spirituality and life using it as a compass. It's hard to deprogram their minds and reset to it to another show. Yet, welcoming them back into the fold is easy. It simply takes a little nudging to get them back into it. That's what happened with the first two students. They were lost in this burning world (You like how I mixed Catholicism with Buddhism there?) and a simple push in the "right" direction set them back on course.

They were easy. This fellow, however, has no religious priming and therefore sees no value in it. My problem is that while I have been primed for a Christian God to swoop in and save the day, I'm not so sure he looks the same as I remember. His image is not as simple as the old wise man in the clouds. What I mean is that I also don't know what religion he needs to hear, but maybe that's the point. He's not primed for religion. He's primed for a humanist approach and I need to be flexible with that as well.

Religion is a great thing and it helps billions of people every day. However, there are a whole lot of people that haven't been primed for it and while some followers might try to save the day with their own faith, that is really do different than the mislabeling and misdiagnosing of depression that goes on in Korea.

The world is complex. There are no quick-fixes.

There's a second part to this, so stay tuned...

Day 10

2010-07-10T09:45:00.000+09:00

"All men are the same."

That was a line from the disgusting Thai horror film, Meat Grinder, that I was watching this morning. I have to get my scary movie fill while my wife is out of the house since even the soundtrack gives her chills. Seriously. I had to turn off Raiders of the Lost Ark because the opening music was too eerie for her. Today worked because she was taking her Spanish lesson for the better part of the morning, so I popped it in. I was brutal. Let's just say that I'm glad that my Thailand days are behind me.

The line first reminded me of a Saved by the Bell episode where Kelly was railing into Zack and made a very similar statement at which AC said, "Hey! Don't judge us by our worse specimen." Good point, but we all know that AC was just posturing so he could sweep in and take Kelly from Zack. It's pretty safe to say that Saved by the Bell and Seinfeld can be used to explain everything in my life. One was for my youth and the other for my adult years. I'm guessing Golden Girls is going to be on the menu for my golden years. That, or Empty Nest.

And while I get most of my wisdom from cheesy kids sitcoms from the early nineties, I've gotta be thinking of my religions as well and the line clearly made me think of Jainism. Jains believe that men are higher on the Karmic scale than women meaning that if a woman wishes to be liberated from the pains of the world, then she must live a good life as a woman and then be reborn as a man and start the struggle all over again. I told my wife this and she was not impressed. In fact, no one should be. It's unfair.

I happen to think that being a woman in this world is infinitely harder than being a man. Women have to do everything that men do plus they are wrongly expected to shoulder the burden of childcare and domestic dreadfulness. That's tough and for them to have to work so hard for their family and themselves only to be told that despite their efforts they still must be reborn a man, is an awful slap in the spiritual face. So much in fact that I have a hard time understanding why women would adhere to such a faith which preaches equality on the physical level only to shun it metaphysically.

A very simple look at what how women are framed in scripture reveals a lot about how women were viewed at the time.

With clever pretences women make up to him, however foolish they be; they know how to contrive that some monks will become intimate with them.

Sounds almost witch-like doesn't it? Those clever sirens have many a trick up their sleeve to lure those pure, helpless and innocent monks. Oh, but it gets richer.

Meekly and politely they approach him with their manifold arts to win his heart; and talking sweetly in confidential conversation they make him do (what they like). As (men by baiting) with a piece of flesh a fearless single lion get him into a trap, so women may capture an ascetic though he be careful.

I can't say that I blame the architects of the religion, though. They were products of their time and while they seriously missed the boat on this one (something that most religions seemed to do), I think this issue brings about another one.

"All men are the same"

I'm sure many women have made this broad statement before and behaviorally, many men overlap on all sorts of issues, so it can be fair, but only in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way. My problem here is not with this cliché, but with that fact that Jainism treats all men the same insofar that they are closer to karmic liberation than women. This has far-reaching consequences. Men automatically view themselves as a higher being than women. Just like humans do with animals (who are lower on the scale), men can make the claim that they are more liberated and therefore more worthy of respect. On the same note, men can treat women with less respect which was clearly witnessed in the depiction of women trying to "capture" men with their flesh.

To quote my wife, "There's no way that I'm on a lower karmic level than you."

Day 9

2010-07-09T14:48:00.027+09:00

A friend and I decided earlier this week that an evening at the park was in order and since we both work a lot, it had to be a Friday --this Friday. We tried to get a group organized, but with limited time and monsoon season bearing down on us for the next month, we only managed to snag a few. Once there, we set out ground mat, kicked the shoes off and pulled out the tunes. Since I usually bring the speakers and mp3 player, I typically assume the role of DJ and today was no different.

Starting in high school and for years after that, I pretty much chose my friends based on the music they listened to. I most definitely wasn’t alone on that one. Everyone chose their friends based on some absurd criterion. For some people it was sports or academia, but I found that music filtered people the best for me. As I have gotten older, I’ve realized that I can’t actually do that anymore. In fact, even if I wanted to, I think it would be impossible because the tunes that I listen to are not as appreciated as they used to be. I'd be pretty lonely.

What do I listen to? Hard to say, but if I were to shuffle through ten random artists on my Ipod right now, I would land on Thompson Twins, Climax Blues Band, Cat Stevens, Richard Marx, Marvin Gaye, Donovan, Sam Cooke, Phish, Harry Nilsson and Jim Croce. Nearly all of them were popular before I was born and it’s pretty safe to say that none of them are doing that well today (if they're not dead already). Sure, many people might still listen to them, but most people my age have moved well beyond them. What I find curious is why ~~can’t~~ won’t I move beyond them? Why do I still prefer listening to Erasure rather than the Black Eyed Peas? It’s simple and people do the same thing with religion. I don’t want to even give new music a chance because I believe that what I like is the best and nothing else is ever going to come along and beat it.

To be Anekäntvädi: 1) Do not insist on your own approach, 2) Accept partial truth as expressed by others, 3) Accept the truth even if it is expressed by adversaries, 4) Accept that the truth can consist of seemingly opposing views, 5) Develop a strong urge to seek truth, 6) Believe in possibilities and 7) Exercise equanimity towards all.

Not insisting on my own approach is Jain talk for "stop being stubborn and open your mind". I can admit that I am a huge music snob and perhaps I should be more open minded, but what this is really touching on is that there is no way for me to be certain of anything. My music, my opinions, my ideas and my religion are not necessarily correct, but to me this isn't about being open-minded. It's about giving myself the freedom and permission to abandon things that I have always done or known to be right.

For those of you who attend a house of worship or have faith in a certain: Has your religion, denomination, church or organization ever given you reason to leave yet you decided against it with an excuse like, "It's what I know" or "What would the neighbors think?" I have rationalized doing things that I disagree with many times simply because it's much easier than taking a stand. It's hard to free yourself from the self-imposed shackles we've managed to force upon ourselves and our society.

Day 8

2010-07-08T12:39:00.002+09:00

A few friends and acquaintances have started to notice this project (I post each "Day" on Facebook) and are becoming more and more curious about my rituals and how I'm adjusting. Most people seem to have a genuine interest in each religion and, even though some philosophies aren't for them, their own intellectual curiosity causes them to keep a relatively open mind when hearing about things that are different to what they believe. This is my fourth religion thus far, but this is the first time that I have actually received some hateful message because of "my" religion.

You know you're probably going to Hell for this "project". Don't think that God isn't watching you.

And my personal favorite:

You're an idiot for believing these ass-backwards "religions."

I'm going to put those classy comments to the side for just a moment in order to explain how some people have reacted to my religion this month. In class this morning, we were discussing religious freedom and tolerance in Korea and I was delighted by the amount of respect and admiration I witnessed during the post-lecture discussion. First of all, it should be said that Korea is largely nonreligious. There are certainly a lot of very devout Christians roaming the peninsula and doing missionary work around the world, but overall, Korea has maintained its historical balance of shamanism and X religion. In the past the "X" was either Confucianism or Buddhism, but the most active religion now is clearly Christianity as Christian proselytizers easily outnumber their Buddhist counterparts. The shamanistic aspect of Korea is mostly centered around homeopathic medicine rather than any pagan-like rituals which essentially translates to a culture that fears no deity.

This lack of a divine force doesn't suggest that Koreans aren't spiritual. Like most East Asians, Koreans have historically preferred a more practical approach to their spirituality rather than the notional belief systems witnessed in the Abrahamic religions. A simple look at Brahmanism will clear up much of what Eastern philosophy is based upon. Considering all of that, it's not hard to understand why Koreans seem to be relatively tolerant of many or most religions. They have no universal or accepted "god" for whom they must be defensive about.

Now, I'd be lying to claim that religions were all viewed equally here, though. They're not. The American "War on Terror" has painted Muslims as unpredictable in the eyes of many Koreans. When a Korean sees a Muslim on the streets of Seoul, they are more confounded than fearful. Yet, when it comes to the Israel-Palestine conflict, Koreans tend to side with Palestine over Israel because of Korea's own past under occupation. They don't identify with the Muslim on the street, but the can relate to the plight of the Palestinians. It boils down to the fact that Koreans have very little contact with the religious making the need to form an opinion one way or the other useless.

Americans and Westerners around me tend to fall into three categories. One group is interested and will engage in intelligent discussion. That is the only positive category though. The other two are not as open minded. The second group will make snide comments in an attempt to delegitimize the entire religion and the third group will use me as a proxy to express all of their own anger towards world religions. If the flash of a moment, the conversation will go from pleasantries to insults. This is frustrating for me because I want to believe that Americans, at least, are better than that.

As a nation founded on the very notion that there would not ever be an official state religion, tolerance should be rampant. That was one of the original reasons why people fled England and mainland Europe. They wanted to escape religious tyranny and persecution. As such, America is easily the most religiously diverse nation in the world. Oddly enough, Americans seem to be somewhat intolerant when it actually comes down to accepting the validity of other religions and their rituals. This, to me, is troubling. If you were to ask an American on the street about Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism or any of the other major religions, they are probably going to know very little about the details (if any at all), yet they have no problem forming a very strong opinion about those followers.

The true test of tolerance can be witnessed in politics.

I fully understand that some practitioners of many world religions can not or do not wish to pursue a public career, but I'm sure that there are many who do. An article in the Post asked, "What is so miserably wrong and unelectable in being a Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist or Jain?" I wonder the same thing. It took Americans until 1868 to elect a non-white male to Congress and even now, in the year 2010, there have only been four black Senators (and one of them was appointed to replace Obama). Some would argue that race isn't a factor anymore (I would disagree. People just don't admit it publicly out of a fear that they would rightly be called 'racist'.) and while there are certainly cases of minorities holding office, it doesn't address the fact that people openly distrust, hate and mock other religions. If we are truly diverse, other faiths must be allowed to flourish.

American Muslims faced this cruel non-acceptance, of course, as President Obama's keepers, forced to combat disingenuous allegations that he might be a Muslim, put his church-going Christian credentials front and center. The pigment of Obama's, Jindal's or Haley's skin does not seem to matter goes the popular narrative, but Christian faith is a foregone criterion for electability. A religious litmus test is clearly in play.

And now, let's go back to the two messages I received.

You know you're probably going to Hell for this "project". Don't think that God isn't watching you.

Since I am "friends" with the person who sent me this, I was able to click on his profile and view his information. He is a "Christian" and also a "conservative". I don't much about this fellow anymore, but I have read the entire Bible recently and while his god might be "watching me" with the intention of torturing me in his version of the afterlife, I know that Matthew 7.1 tells Christians not to judge others.

You're an idiot for believing these ass-backwards "religions."

If being an idiot means reflecting on my life through the lenses of different religions and taking away valuable lessons that will help me become a better, more aware person, then I guess I am an "idiot".

The truth is that we live in a huge world and even though advancements in communication continue to make it seem smaller, there is no way that we can truly understand it until we admit that there isn't one path for all of humanity. Nothing is "ass-backwards". I often judge America harshly. I do that because it is my future home and the land where I will raise a family. I want it to work and I want to be able to explain it to my children. It's a shame that a "friend" would feel the need to admonish me and these amazing religions because they feel that their religion is superior.

Day 7

2010-07-07T12:49:00.002+09:00

I'm slowly training myself not to verbalize my hunger or physical desires. I feel that once I start venting my frustrations aloud, they could possibly manifest causing me to fail in my observance of lay Jain rules. Hunger is a pretty tough thing to manage, though. The mind certainly starts rationalizing itself on an empty stomach and even the most stoic of men can fall victim to the very natural urge to, you know, eat food and stay alive.

Many times I have been tempted to ask for "a bite" (rationalization) and many times I have almost allowed myself to run home and grab my check card (manifestation). This afternoon, a co-worker was eating McDonald's. I didn't even consider munching on the animal flesh, but the fries and the ketchup were definitely tempting me. I like ketchup a lot (Not on eggs, though. Sorry fellow southerners.) I knew he wasn't going to offer me any and I was fine with that. It was only 4:00pm and I actually wasn't too hungry at that point. My concern was more that nightfall wasn't that far away and I was running out of situations where a food offering was possible. This made me curious. How do Jain monks, who have no permanent homes and spend most days walking around the earth, manage a situation like this? Isn't there a point where our vessel needs fuel? Can't they ask for a little help?

Jaina Sutras explains how Jains can beg for food, but it's really confusing. Read it for yourself. This is what I got from the first lesson.

If I have the intention to collect food, I must first make sure that...

...it's not mixed with living things
...the food can be eaten in a place where there are no other living things
...food contaminated by the living can be placed in ashes, on bones cow dung for inspection before consumption
...if water was used in the prep, then it must be properly filtered by a layman
...it has been cut properly
...includes only thrice-worked flattened grain
...it is eaten in the absence of heretics
...has not been bought, stolen or taken
...it was not prepared for beggars or paupers
...I only plan on eating half of what is offered

There are more rules as well. Many more rules. (Lesson 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) This lesson is the hardest part and the very reason the becoming a Jain monk just might be the hardest thing that a person could do on the earth. This one is from the Eighth Lesson.

When a monk or a nun on a begging-tour smells, in travellers' houses or garden houses or householders' houses or maths, the scent of food or drink or sweet scents, they should not smell them, being indifferent against smell, and not eager or desirous or greedy or covetous of the pleasant smell.

Man, this is a tough religion and while it's easy to become frustrated and disenchanted by the extreme measures by which some Jains adhere to, there's a simpler message that I have taken away from it: appreciation. Since I am essentially helpless in many situations, I must rely the kindness of others.

It's easy to say that you're an appreciative person and even easier to accuse others of not being appreciative enough. (Just look at the US welfare system.) I've always considered myself to be appreciative, but I have a feeling I speak appreciation much more than I feel, act or reciprocate appreciation. This past week, I have been overwhelmed with the response and genuine care that I have gotten from my amazing wife and even my students. I already knew my wife was spectacular, but I didn't know that my students cared. Each and every morning they casually pull bananas, cherries, milk, yogurt, bagels, tea and donuts from their bags and offer them to me. Even students that I have barely taught are doing whatever they can to offer me food because they know how hard not spending money and not eating when hungry must be.

I find this really refreshing for many reasons. For starters, Koreans aren't particularly expressive when it comes to appreciation or care for people outside of their social group or family. Try holding a door or elevator for a Korean. Even though no Koreans who do that for one another, when it is done, they act as if it was a normal thing with little or no acknowledgement. Secondly, when it comes down to it, I am starting to see that people care. People are naturally compassionate and no matter how much we try to ignore that very fact, we are all good people inside just waiting for a trigger. Relying on other people might seem like burden to some, but this past week has taught me that that burden does not outweigh the genuine beauty of humanity. If karma is the name of this game, then I know that those who offer help to the needy; the poor; the hungry; or the Jains are sitting pretty.

I appreciate all the people in my life for without them, I could not be doing what I do today. I could make a list, but if you wanted a short one, I'd have to throw my wife and mother on there. The wife has taught me more about living and being a man than she'll ever know and my mother has, well, she has done everything for me. Sadly, a mothers love can't be reciprocated. How could it? Their sacrifice is immeasurable and even trying to quantify it would be a mistake. I try not to regret too much in this life, but if you were to ask me what I regretted the most, it would be the time we missed while I have been abroad. Luckily, the grand return is on the horizon.

Overall, I guess Jainism has restored some of my faith in mankind. To quote myself (after way too much wine) at my wedding reception:

"Thank you all for being people with me."

Day 6

2010-07-06T08:58:00.000+09:00

There’s a real “less is more” overtone in religion and it’s becoming pretty clear that Jains take that concept a bit further than most others. As you know, I’m not spending money or purchasing anything for myself this month. That means no food, gas, gifts (sorry wife) or clothes. I actually need a new pair of pants as the seat is becoming a little too worn to stand in front of a class and my flip-flops--while having weathered the claws of my college cat, Snipes--seem to have met their match with my dog who has charged himself with the task of evenly consuming the toe and heel of each thong. I certainly need many things, but I must resist the urge to purchase.

I’ve never been a big fan of clothes anyways. Growing up (and by that I mean until my marriage) purchasing threads was the sole responsibility of my mother. Honestly though, my taste has always been simple enough that anyone could manage to throw a few items together and I’d sport it. She just knew that I wouldn't ever do it myself. High-fashion—to me—looks like Euro-trash or a small town person trying too hard to impress their classmates. When I first arrived in Korea, I couldn't believe how tacky the fashion was. It took me a few months to realize that my 1995 Phish tee-shirt, old packing shorts and Chacos weren’t all that hip. Still, I rock what’s comfortable and confidently strut my college-era style.

This month, however, comfort isn't the name of the game. Detachment is and following suit, I must live as a lay Jain. Of course, this is my project and I am free to alter the rules as I so please as long as I’m not violating the tenets or rituals. Some Jain monks choose to remain naked at all times. Jain scripture doesn't condemn clothing, but it does say that "prohibiting nudity is not proper because preoccupation with clothes weakens right conduct." As I’ve said many times before, I don’t have the stomach (or lack thereof) to be a Jain monk, but I like their reasoning behind their choice of nudity. I'm not so sure my elementary school would agree that right conduct and nudity go hand-in-hand.

You never know what might happen tomorrow and I could find myself in need of some new clothes. What would I do? Well, there are ways for me to get clothes. Unfortunately, clothing rules are very complex and awkward. Here is rule one:

A monk or a nun may beg for clothes specifying (their quality), viz. wool, silk, hemp, palm-leaves, cotton, Arkatûla. If they beg for them, or the householder gives them, they may accept them; for they are pure and acceptable.

I'm kind of like that. I indirectly begged my mother for clothes and typically wanted them to be cotton, wool or hemp. Silk doesn't do it for me. I had a pair of silk boxers in middle school, but they bunched up way too often. It was an awful experience.

Rule number two:

A monk or a nun may ask for clothes which they have well inspected, from the householder or his wife. After consideration, they should say: 'O long-lived one! (or, O sister!) please give me one of these clothes!' If they beg for them, or the householder gives them, they may accept them; for they are pure and acceptable.

O sister! Please give me some new sandals! Next:

A monk or a nun may beg for an under or upper garment.

And the final rule:

A monk or a nun may beg for a left-off robe, which no other Sramana or Brâhmana, guest, pauper or beggar wants

That's a lot of work for clothes this month. I can hold out. So, while I am at home, I've decided that being nude will further help me detach from the material world. Today I was finished with work early, so I went home, exercised with my dog, showered and air dried. After drying, I stayed nude. Now, Ive been doing this for the entire week and I can’t lie, it’s been weird. In fact, I’m at home right writing. The wife is reading, my dog is chewing on a leftover bone from one of my wife’s meal, The Seldom Scene is playing and I am sitting in front of the computer naked as we came.

Do I feel more detached? Not really. I’m actually more concerned about my dog trying to get something going at the wrong time and near the wrong place on my body. A visit to the hospital is one thing, but a visit with a mangled piece of junk is another.

How do you explain that?

It did make me think, how many articles of clothing do I actually need? I have so many pieces that are essentially the same thing, just different colors and styles. We don't need that much. My wife dragged me to the new Sex and the City movie a month or two ago and I was honestly disgusted by the volume of clothes not only characters wore, but that the movie spent on that sort of thing. I get the whole status marker thing, but seriously, enough is enough. This week, even though I actually need clothes, I'm going to donate twenty articles of clothing.

Less is more...or so I've heard.

Day 5

2010-07-05T13:03:00.003+09:00

So, it's Monday night and I am pretty much starving. Not really, but I was only offered one thing to eat today and that was this morning by my wife. It was a solid meal (rice, veggies, soup, tofu, etc...), but I'm missing volume. I'm taking multi-vitamins, calcium and omega-3 (for my blood pressure which is almost at a normal level by the way) and drinking all the juice that is offered to me. It's the best I can do. During my Buddhist month, I couldn't eat after 12:00pm. That was hard. This month, I can eat after that time, but not at night. The catch is that I'm not really around people who can offer me food that much. It makes for a tricky situation. Have any food for me?

On top of that, I've noticed that there's a very fine line between begging and waiting for an offering. A Jain is not a beggar. Even though it is the way of the Jain monk to roam around the country with no permanent home, they are never supposed to ask for shelter. They must rely on others to offer it. This afternoon, an elementary school student had a few delicious looking pastries. I was quite hungry and my instinct was to ask for some. As a teacher, I am almost always offered food here, but this little boy was not so inclined. My stomach was growling with hunger as they snacked away. Only a bite was all I wanted; one simple bite. What could it hurt?

This is the struggle. This entire month I will be locked in a battle with my own willpower and the passion and desires of my body.

***

Are you strong willed? I'm not. The fact that I've somehow managed to do pretty well in that department for the past few months is beyond me. Glossing over the years where the need for a strong will would be necessary, I honestly see nothing more than a schmeer of failures and compromises. The troubling part of the whole thing is that I don't think I'm alone on this one and since will is something far more complex than simply abstaining from bad habits--my only use for it so far--I wonder just how pervasive my lack of will is within greater society and, furthermore, whether it could end up damaging society.

Willpower is simply defined as "energetic determination". The longer I live on this earth, the more I'm starting to realize that willpower and determination are actually hard to find in daily life. Sure, there are tons of grand examples of willpower in the world. I can't deny that, but I can shamefully admit that I have had very little determination in my life. In its place, I have substituted its evil cousin: desire. However, desire has a much different meaning than "willpower". Meriam-Webster defines it as "to hope or wish for" something. This descrepancy--I feel--is leading to a more restless, agitated world where people seem to have lost the true value of their own self-worth.

The word that seems to be floating around the purgatory of the modern human is "purpose". As a former student and now teacher, I can honestly say that students have no real purpose to study. They certainly have a desire, i.e., wealth, status, comfort and luxury, but when it gets down to it, many people have no clue what the real goal of their own education is. Parents and teachers even have a hard time articulating as well. Pinpointing whose fault it is is well beyond the scope of my knowledge or this project, but perhaps Emerson could enlighten us.

"The aim of education is to keep the child's nature and arm it with knowledge in the very direction in which it points."

He continues on in great length and chides the teacher for hindering individual growth by not allowing each pupil to flourish and focus on their "gift". I agree that mass education is very troublesome, but the logistics of having a such system where individual creativity is always untapped is more than daunting. And while I get a bit down when I hear that most young students desire to be a celebrity, sports star or millionaire, I can't blame the teachers.

In fact, I'm not sure if anyone can be blamed. Blame doesn't solve anything anyways. Parents know their role as do social institutions, yet the current state of society has become so self-gratifying that even the best parents--like the two that I was lucky enough to have--can't compete. Willpower is not taught, but learned through failure. Desire is easy. Anyone can desire. The difference is that if you fail with willpower, then you'll get back up full intact. If you fail with desire, then you'll just move the goal post.

A society that desires first is a society destined for failure. I know that I am not the only person who can admit falling into the deep traps of lust, greed and envy and it seems that there is enough genuine willpower to keep the train on the tracks for awhile, but once that engine derails, the rest of the cars are sure to follow. It's never too late for reflection and self-improvement. I might have desired myself through this life so far, but I'm trying to change. I'm trying to ensure that my will cannot be broken at the first obstacle.

And while people chat casually about the need for others to truly have a purpose in their life and to cherish the gift of willpower, there are glaring guides and examples readily available to us. I am slowly trying to learn willpower, but am still battling my body rather than my mind. I must first get through my body. Jain scripture is certainly supplementing my strict regiment this month and the following story really helped me.

A man believes himself a hero as long as he does not behold the foe, as did Sisupâla (before he beheld) the valorously-fighting, great warrior. They go forward to the head of the battle; but when the fight has begun the mother will not recognise her son, and he will be mangled by his foe.So a novice, who as yet has not suffered pains and is not yet used to a mendicant's life, believes himself a hero till he practises austerities.

When during the winter they suffer from cold and draughts, the weak become disheartened like Kshattriyas who have lost their kingdom. When they suffer from the heat of summer, sad and thirsty, the weak become disheartened like fish in shallow water. It is painful never to take anything but what is freely given, and begging is a liard task. Common people say that (men become monks) because they will not work and are wretched. Weak men who are unable (to bear) these insults in villages or towns, become disheartened like cowards in the battle.

Perchance a snarling dog will bite a hungry monk; in that case the weak will become disheartened like animals burnt by fire. Some who hate (the monks), revile them: 'Those who lead such a (miserable) life (as monks do), atone but (for their sins in a former life).Some call them names, as 'naked, lowest of beggars, baldhead, scabby, filthy, nasty.Those who behave in this way and do not know better, go from darkness to utter darkness, being fools and shrouded in delusion.When bitten by flies and gnats, and unable (to bear) the pricking of grass, (they will begin to doubt), 'I have not seen the next world, all may end with death!

Some weak men who suffer from the plucking out of the hair, and who are unable to preserve their chastity, will become disheartened like fish transfixed by a spear.Some low people who lead a life of iniquity, and entertain heretical opinions, being subject to love and hatred, injure a monk.Some fools in outlying countries take a pious monk for a spy or a thief, bind him, and insult him with angry words. A weak monk being hurt with a stick or a fist or a fruit, remembers his (kind) relations, just as a woman who in a passion has left (her husband and house). All these hardships are difficult to bear; the weak return to their house (when they cannot bear them), like elephants covered with arrows (break down).

Thus I say.

Day 4

2010-07-04T19:24:00.003+09:00

Today is the first Sunday in a couple months that I haven't attended some form of worship service. Jainism will be unique from other months in that I can't join a service and share in the pleasure of community worship. Instead, I'm working on some email correspondance with a few Jains. More to come on that front.

***

This past week, a very troubling incident occurred in my neighborhood. A young Korean woman, apparently in a drunken rage, was caught on camera abusing her neighbors cat and ultimately throwing it to its death from a 10th floor balcony. The whole situation has not gone unnoticed by the public who was infuriated and is now calling for a strong punishment for the accused (seen here accosting the owner of the now-deceased cat). Animal rights in Korea have never been one of its strong points. Historical poverty and class divisions created an environment where animals were seen not by the love and joy they can share, but by the meat and fur they offer. Still today, bears, snakes, seals, dogs and sharks are ritualistically, albeit silently, killed for their medicinal value and while the government wrestles between a culture mainstay and international pressure, thousands of animals are caught in between every year.

I feel that taking a Jain approach to animal rights is perhaps the best way for any person to truly understand the need for animal equality and non-violence.

The Arhats and Bhagavats of the past, present, and future, all say thus, speak thus, declare thus, explain thus: all breathing, existing, living, sentient creatures should not be slain, nor treated with violence, nor abused, nor tormented, nor driven away. (Akaranga Sutra, Book 1, Fourth Lecture, Called Righteousness, First Lesson)

It is thought that all creatures have the potential for divinity and, following that logic, no one has the right to impede such a journey. Here is a common story used to illustrate Jain compassion for animals.

Once Parshwanath, a young prince, arriving as a bridegroom with his marriage entourage to the house of his bride, saw near the house an enclosure of animals, tightly packed, waiting to be slaughtered. Shocked by the cry of the animals, the prince enquired, “Why are those animals being kept in such cruel conditions?” His aides replied, “They are for the feast of the wedding party.”

The young prince was overwhelmed with compassion. Arriving at the wedding chamber, he spoke with the father of the princess. “Immediately and unconditionally all those animals enclosed to be slaughtered for the marriage feast must be freed,” he said. “Why?” responded the father. “The lives of animals are there for the pleasure of humans. Animals are our slaves and our meat. How can there be any feast without the flesh?!”

Prince Parshwanath was puzzled. He could not believe what he had just heard. He exclaimed, “Animals have souls, they have consciousness, they are our kith and kin, they are our ancestors. They wish to live as much as we do; they have feelings and emotions. They have love and passion; they fear death as much as we do. Their instinct for life is no less than ours. Their right to live is as fundamental as our own. I cannot marry, I cannot love and I cannot enjoy life if animals are enslaved and killed.” Without further ado he rejected the plans for his marriage, he discarded the comfortable life of a prince, and he responded to his inner calling to go out and awaken the sleepy masses who had been conditioned to think selfishly and kill animals for their pleasure and comfort.

Moving story, but in order to truly understand the reason why Jains feel this connection and concern for animals, we must look at their Karmic beliefs and especially how they view reincarnation and transmigration.

As you can see, all creatures are stuck in the same karmic cycle. At the bottom is an Infernal Kingdom not to be mistaken with Christian Hell. These are hell-beings or Naraka -meaning people who must endure a great amount of suffering. It is not a physical place, but a place here on Earth. At the top is the Celestial Kingdom which is full of demi-gods or Deva. Animals and humans are caught somewhere in the middle.

The very goal of Jainism is to free ourselves from this cycle by obtaining enlightenment. As humans, we are closer to achieving that goal than animals are, but if we choose to squander this opportunity by leading a life full of greed, deception, materialism, attachment, violence and anger, we are sure to be punished by karma and sent down to a lower level on the scale.
Only if we succeed and shed our karma (Nirjara), will we be free from this cycle (Samsara) and achieve liberation (Moksa). Even if we don't take part in violence and anger, more is required of us than just casually scooting by and saying that we're "good". We must practice good and treating all animals with respect is just one area where we mustn't fail.

It's said that caring for old animals is one of the most important roles a Jain can play. I like this concept, but I think we can expand on that more. Can you imagine anything for dear and innocent than an old dog? They are loyal, wise, calm and tempered. Regardless of how tired they might be, they will always do as asked and be right next to you when needed. No one would ever abuse an old dog because the presumed benefit of punishment has long passed them. However, young dogs and animals don't have this luxury as many are beaten, tortured, abandoned or killed. I think we need to remember the innocence and grace of old dogs when we look at young dogs and then we might understand the futility of abuse.

The poor cat that was thrown to its death had a name. It was called 'Eunbi' which in its infinitive form means "to be left alone". Ironic, huh? The creature's last moments on Earth were full of torture by the hands and feet of an ugly soul. And for what reason? Was it a "bad cat"? How can you define "bad"? Did it use the restroom inside? Maybe it ate your shoes, but those things don't make an animal bad. What makes an animal bad is an abusive and violent life.

I look at my dog and I see a responsibility. It is my job to ensure that he has every opportunity to reach the next karmic level. Who am I to deny this? I am just a soul in a body like he is. If he does not reach the next level, then I feel that it is my responsibility. A good person does not hit an animal and a good dog is not hit. Part of my journey towards Moksa is already proving to be inspiring. Last month (and in April), I discussed my admiration for the Quaker tenet of oneness with God--total equality. However, that truth didn't extend to animals. Jainism gives me hope that animals of my past and every other amazing creature on Earth has a chance to reach Moksa with me.

My dog now might die tomorrow or he might die in 15 years, but as long as he is here, it is my duty to ensure that he transmigrates northward and ultimately joins the rest of his family after liberation.

***

On a side note, a student just offered me a hot dog. I almost vomited at the sight.

Day 3

2010-07-03T20:06:00.003+09:00

Let's just say that Friday night as a Jain isn't that exciting. It's not all bad though. At work, we hired a new teacher and I must say that I'm pleased so far. Aside from the fact that he seems wise, professional and dedicated to his job, he's close to my age, married to a Korean and also teaches at an elementary school. He's essentially me plus two years. It's nice to have some similarities with a co-worker beside being from the same country. In addition to him, we have a part-time Korean-American who also joined the staff. Like any new colleagues should do, we decided to go out after work and get further acquainted.

I always feel like I should give a disclaimer about this project when meeting new people. You know, something like...

I'm actually quite fun, but for some reason I started this restrictive project that limits my recreation time severely, so maybe you should ask again next month.

I did tell them about The Pious One and, like most people, they looked at me with a puzzled look and asked 'Why?". I usually give the same spiel to them as I gave you back in March. Remember?

I’m great at quitting things that inconvenience me, but horrible at actually sacrificing something for a cause.

That really doesn't satisfy their curiosity, though. I honestly can't answer the "why" question, but at this point it doesn't matter. I'm already in my fourth month, so it is what it is.

Either way, I managed not to scare these fellows off with my disclaimer and the three of us accompanied by our wives and girlfriends went to a German beer hof. I was pretty jealous of the beer I was sure to miss out on. I've never been to Germany, but I did go to the Hofbrauhaus near Cincinnati a few times and had an absolutely wonderful black-out drunk time, so this was a perfect match for this Jain, right? We sat down and they got some brews and even threw in the extra slap in the face by ordering fully loaded chili cheese fries. No meat for this cat, either. Long story short, we had fun, but called it a night at about 11pm.

I woke up today to a very familiar furry, brown face sharing my pillow with me. He looked so comfortable there that I gave him a little more room and I scooted down and used his chest as my pillow. Listening to his sleeping heart beat was really relaxing actually. Imaging my dog being caught in the same karmic cycle that I am in (according to Jains) allows me to view him in an even more equal light. While I'm technically higher on the karmic scale than he is, we're both battling to break free from the shackles of karma and I intend to do everything I can to ensure that his life is good and pure so that after his death, he'll be reborn as a human and, therefore a step closer to the celestial kingdom. I'll be talking about this more later, though. I've only started to dig.

The weather here has been pretty bad as the Asian monsoon season slowly makes its way from India to Korea. It seems that every time I prepare to go somewhere, the rain starts to come down. Today was no different. My wife takes Spanish classes on the weekend in hopes that it'll help with her American transition and since it was raining I offered to drive her. Once we got there, though, we discovered that the class was cancelled this weekend leaving us with a bonus three hours together. Win.

I wish I could convey clearly the area that we live in because you have no idea just how lively, dense and bustling our neighborhood is. Wait... I can.

As you can see from all the silverware icons (which excludes drinking establishments and probably 50% or more of the restaurants), we are literally surrounded by eateries, coffee shops, bars and hofs. So, on the way home, we stopped into a coffee shop, had a cup of coffee and watched the people go by. After a few minutes, I decided to start boring the wife with some interesting aspects of Jainism. (On a side note, I have fallen even more in love with her since starting the project. The fact that she is willing to put up with this whole thing is enough, but she likes to get in the trenches with me and comb over belief systems just as much as I do. Keeps me on my toes, this one.)

We started discussing what detachment means to us. I offered some Jain (and Eastern) ideas about the body as a vessel and how detaching from our physical form is the first step towards freeing ourself from its passions and altering the transmigration of our soul. Characteristically, she knocked me from my fantasy world and switched the focus a bit to attachment and, more specifically, why I'm so attached to my hair.

There is not a moment in my life that I can remember not battling someone over haircuts. My mom was somewhat militant about haircuts growing up. I understand her though. She wanted me to look presentable. The problem was that her desire of presentableness has somehow remained intact until as recently as our last Skype conversation.

"George, I thought you said you were going to keep it short?"

I've thought about why I'm so concerned with my hair and especially haircuts many times before. Am I more insecure than I realize? Have I been silently protesting my mother all along? Do I really place that much value on appearance? I mean, don't I have something to offer besides a face with a little hair stapled on top?

What a waste of time!

As my wife and I delved into the nuance of attachment and detachment, she made the bold move and stated what needed to happen.

Wife: Let's go then.

Me: Tomorrow. We'll go tomorrow.

Wife: Why tomorrow? You always say that. Let's go right now. I want to see you put some weight behind your words.

Me: <:crickets:>

Wife: Come on.

I had nothing to say and nowhere to run. Images from my whole life were running through my head. I mean, this is how serious a situation I took this to be. I thought of my wrestling days when I was one of the only ones who refused to shave my head. I thought about bad short cuts I had gotten and how on the drive home, I would just stare in the rear-view mirror in disgust. I thought about how much anger I've felt at hairdressers over the years. As we walked up to the doors of the trendy salon, my mind had frozen on one scene playing over and over again.

We sat down and waited. My heart was racing. Pathetic, huh? The American pop song, "Break Your Heart" was playing in the background. The whole thing was quite stressful for me, Finally they called me up, shampooed me and sat me down in the chair. There I was; face to face with that damn mirror. The lady asked what I wanted and I didn't respond. I wanted to, but I don't know the Korean for shave my head, but don't make it bald. They wife chimed in and together they shared a laugh about something in Korean and then she pulled out the sheers and got started.

Ten minutes later my hair was all but. It's between one or two centimeters long as I write this now. I feel fine. The world didn't end, nor am I weeping for the loss.

Something that I have feared my entire life was so easy to let go of. And while many of you might think that I'm pathetic or hyper sensitive about hair and you'd be right, but I'm sure that all of you have something that you have held onto for too long that really makes no sense.

This wasn't about confronting fears. It was about detaching myself from a part of the physical world that I clung to for no reason. And while I feel that this is a step for me this month and understanding detachment, I know it's a good move for me in life.

As for Jainism, simply cutting my hair isn't really going to cut it.

One may have a tuft or matted hair on the head or a shaven head, remain naked or wear a rag. But if he tells a lie, all this is futile and fruitless.

(Bhagavati Aradhana 843)

Day 2

2010-07-02T06:22:00.003+09:00

I had a stressful day yesterday. My meditation last night really helped me though. It's only day two and already I'm having a hard time following this religion. No money in my wallet and very little food in my stomach makes for a challenging day. Couple that with the fact that I must walk and sit very deliberately so as not to injure insects and you have yourself a painfully slow day. Luckily, today is Friday and I can have some time this weekend to organize myself and my thoughts. Jainism is fascinating, but some of the concepts are hard for me to grasp. I'm going to be reading a lot about detachment, karma and the concept that nothing in the universe was ever created nor will it be destroyed. That's a tough one to wrap my mind around.

I woke up this morning to the news that yet another Korean celebrity had committed suicide. It's the third this year and another one in a long string of high-profile celebrities to take their own life here in a country that leads the world in the violent act. I discussed this with a few students this morning and the level of apathy was shocking. No one seemed to care. There's a level of exhaustion and complacency that has set in among the populace to where the self-destruction of a life just doesn't concern people any more.

Followers of Asian politics will also remember the recent North Korean attack on a South Korea ship where 46 South Korea sailors were killed. One would think that South Koreans would literally be up in arms about such an act and while many people were saddened, the act was quickly silenced by the South Korean political opposition party who sought to use this misery as a way to change the current hawkish North Korean policy to one that is much more dove-like. I have my own personal beliefs about how to handle North Korea and while I will never advocate the use of violence or war, I think this Korean liberal obsession with diplomacy has proved to be a failure in terms of reaching a peaceful agreement with North Korea.

South Koreans have excused a lot of violence from North Korea.

Thousands of abductions
Presidential Assassination Attempt (Second attempt video here)
Numerous Invasions
Countless naval skirmishes (many have been deadly)
Murdered tourists
Dozens of other border incidents
Endless supply of spies

I could go into depth about why South Koreans excuse this violence and murder, but that's not the point. The point is that for some reason, people in this nation go to great lengths to rationalize some forms of violence. They will make excuses for child rape and tolerate domestic abuse if alcohol is involved, but the second an American solider is involved, violence becomes issue number one. Yet this is not unique to Korea. Americans tolerate violence on the Mexican border and look the other way as entire families are raped and murdered by greedy "Coyotes", but once an illegal immigrant breaks into an "American's" house, they scream murder.

Look at what happened in LA during the riots. Most Americans recall the police officers beating Rodney King and the subsequent looting, but the real story was happening in Koreatown where Korean shopkeepers were forced to fend for themselves from looters and rioters as the LAPD chose to ignore that ethnic enclave. It's inexcusable that that happened, but it makes sense since we live in a world where the law defines what is and isn't violent.

This afternoon, I walked on to my elementary school playground find two boys in a fight. I don't know what the cause of the fight was, but by the time I got there, both were bruised and bloody. Stopping the fight was simple and after a few moments of random charges at each other, I had both of them under control and following me to a Korean teacher for discipline. The female teacher looked at the boys, spoke to them for a moment and then sent them to the nurse. She laughed the fight off as a simple "boys will be boys" moment. This is a problem. Young humans engaging in violence should not be a rite of passage to adulthood.

People go out of their way to define violence through the lens of the law and culture. It's not clear whether they use its limits to excuse violent behavior or to allow for necessary force, but this tendency certainly affects how we measure appropriate responses to stimuli in our daily lives. Panning across the globe, one could easily witness varying degrees of tolerated violence. Some cultures allow a higher level of it while others shun the lions share. Either way, legalizing any form of violence rationalizes its use and once people start justifying it in that manner, legal limits are sure to be pushed.

Gun violence is the US is a serious problem that no one could deny. It has ruined lives, destroyed dreams and has even damaged our environment. Still, our current (and disgusting) guns laws have justified the use of guns in certain situations, yet defenders of the Second Amendment refuse to acknowledge that their laws are directly contributing to making America a dangerous nation. Rather, they glorify the use of them.

I personally have yet to find the purpose of guns. I don't need to hunt for my food, nor do I need to lethally defend myself. Violence seems to follow violence and since I have never committed a physically violent act in my life, I've steered clear of it. However, I define violence through the framework of American and Korean law. Einstein rightly said,

"We all hear things. Only our ears are shaped differently."

My idea of violence will not work this month. To truly follow the Jain vow of Ahimsa (non-violence), I'm going to have to redefine my own parameters.

Nonviolence means allowing freedom to others, sanctioning liberty to all. To be full of wrath or anger is violence. In anger, one not only injures others, he/she hurts himself/herself too. Hurting the self or self-torture is also violence. Greed, temptations, possessiveness, exploitation and the like constitute violence.

Jains believe the best gift we can give each other is the gift of safety and that violence is not the true nature of the soul. That makes sense. The body demands violence just as it seeks sex, greed, anger, jealousy, pride and worry. These passions are not passions of the soul, but of our bodies and are in direct conflict with what our souls needs. This conflict, Jains believe, make us hate ourselves. The only way we can break free is if we detach ourselves from the passions of the body.

This is hard for me to grasp even after my month of Buddhism. Buddhist also believed the body was merely a vehicle for the soul, but I have yet to be able to pull that off.

When you think about yourself, do you see an image or do you feel a soul?

Day 1

2010-07-01T20:34:00.001+09:00

For what reason do you worship? Sounds like a silly question at first glance, but I'd seriously like to know the answer. What function do you--the faithful; the devout; the pious--believe that worshiping serves? Does it give you guidance or is it there for healing? Maybe it's both, but here's my point: It has become very clear to me that, for the most part, people pick and choose how they use their religion regardless of what the stated (or inferred) purpose of the religion is. This, to me, is so common that it almost runs counter to what the point of a religion is. I'm not going to discount the power of an epiphany or natural progression, but if we use religion as our personal tool towards happiness or spiritual freedom then how do we define religion? Internally, how is it different from a good book or an amazing song?

I was listening to Faithless today. You probably don't know them, but they were (and still might be) a wildly popular house/trance/electronica band from the UK who I had the privileged of getting to know through my sister in the 90's and again through Korean clubs and European friends throughout the past few years. They have a song called 'God is a DJ'.

Give it a try:

I bring this up because something struck me a few moments ago that used to pop in and out of mind when I was a concert-going teen and twenty-something. I have had many seemingly religious moments deep in the crowds with tunes blaring all around me. The uninhibited freedom experienced while your body independently moves and bonds with the rhythm and bass is something unlike I have ever experienced in a church or while reading religious texts.

As I said during my Catholic month, I don't like it when people attempt to redefine God, but is Faithless redefining God here or are they identifying the elements they require to feel a church or religious experience? The lyrics are as follows.

This is my church

This is where I heal my hurts

It's a natural grace

Of watching young life shape

It's in minor keys

Solutions and remedies

Enemies becoming friends

When bitterness ends

Maybe I shouldn't call it a religious experience because it's not a religion, yet I'd be curious to see how the emotions differ. Don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating that bands can or should have the authority to create viable churches or religions, but I see nothing wrong with the fact that people identify bands in that fashion. For instance, I am now and always will be a Deadhead. Sounds pathetic, right? Don't care. Sure, I missed the first and second boat, but nothing is going to change the utter peace that their music has brought to my soul and while I don't agree with Ken Kesey...

The Grateful Dead are our religion. This is a religion that doesn't pay homage to the God that all the other religions pay homage to.

...I can honestly say that Grateful Dead has carried me through this life much more than religion has. And you might say that it's only because I didn't allow religion to enter my life and to that I would say, so what? The Grateful Dead is a band and I always knew that, but denying their positive effect on my soul is just ludicrous. Their songs have given me guidance (Eyes of the World, The Wheel, So Many Roads) and have also offered me healing (Ripple, Brokedown Palace, Black Muddy River). Just how is that different from a religion?

I wanted to start this month with that sentiment because the deeper into the game that I get, the more I realize that religions are here for us for a number of reasons. We use them as we please. Ultimately, people will divide and define each depending on what they need in their own life. The Grateful Dead has served a very real and helpful purpose for me in life and while it might not have a creed or a chapel, it ultimately was my source of spirituality. That wasn't really the original point of their music, but it was the result.

I'm starting this month just like I start every month: with no real goal and no real desire for guidance and healing. Jainism will most likely reveal itself to offer both like most religions do, yet it will do it in its own way and on its own time. Will I allow that or will I use it for my own frailties? The human soul reacts very easily to a plethora of triggers irregardless of creed, status or intention. The slightest of sparks can start a fire and I'm excited to see the kindling waiting for me in the days ahead.

***

I'm hungry, but I just finished a masterful meditation, so I'm feeling great. See you tomorrow, kiddos.

2010-07-01T18:50:00.002+09:00

First of all, this does not count as Day 1. This is an introduction.

It's a new month and due to a last minute change, July will officially be my Jainism month. I was originally going to do Mormonism, but I wanted a take a break from the Christian backbone and bringing the Jains into my life does just that.

I always have a hard time introducing new religions. There are scores of books and information dedicated to simply introducing religions, so my mini-intro never really gives that much solid info on each one, so I think I'll add a link on the sidebar that should cover it. If this project ever makes it onto paper, then perhaps I'll have to rework the background, but for now, let's just copy and paste from BBC.

Jainism at a glance

Jainism is an ancient religion from India that teaches that the way to liberation and bliss is to live lives of harmlessness and renunciation.

The essence of Jainism is concern for the welfare of every being in the universe and for the health of the universe itself.

Jains believe that animals and plants, as well as human beings, contain living souls. Each of these souls is considered of equal value and should be treated with respect and compassion.
Jains are strict vegetarians and live in a way that minimises their use of the world's resources.
Jains believe in reincarnation and seek to attain ultimate liberation - which means escaping the continuous cycle of birth, death and rebirth so that the immortal soul lives for ever in a state of bliss.
Liberation is achieved by eliminating all karma from the soul.
Jainism is a religion of self-help.
There are no gods or spiritual beings that will help human beings.
The three guiding principles of Jainism, the 'three jewels', are right belief, right knowledge and right conduct.
The supreme principle of Jain living is non violence (ahimsa).
This is one of the 5 mahavratas (the 5 great vows). The other mahavratas are non-attachment to possessions, not lying, not stealing, and sexual restraint (with celibacy as the ideal).
Mahavira is regarded as the man who gave Jainism its present-day form.
The texts containing the teachings of Mahavira are called theAgamas.
Jains are divided into two major sects; the Digambara (meaning "sky clad") sect and the Svetambara (meaning "white clad") sect.
Jainism has no priests. Its professional religious people aremonks and nuns, who lead strict and ascetic lives.

Most Jains live in India, and according to the 2001 Census of India there are around 4.2 million living there. However, the Oxford Handbook of Global Religions, published in 2006, suggests that census figures may provide lower than the true number of followers as many Jains identify themselves as Hindu. The Handbook also states that there are around 25,000 Jains in Britain.

Alright, so now you've got a little bit of a back ground, let me tell you what I'll be up to this month. As it mentioned above, there are five vows which every Jain must live by.

Unlike my Buddhist month, I am going to live officially as a lay Jain.

Vows taken by lay Jains

Jain scripture expects lay Jains to follow the following twelve vows.

The five Anuvratas

The Anuvratas are known as the Lesser or Limited Vows:

Non-violence - Ahimsa:
- Jains must do their best to avoid any intentional hurt to living things. In daily life harm can be minimized by filtering drinking water, not eating at night, and so on. Intentional hurt includes cases of avoidable negligence.
- Jains must be vegetarians.
- Jains may use violence in self-defence.
- If a Jain's work unavoidably causes harm (e.g. farming) they should try to minimize the harm and maintain complete detachment.
Truthfulness - Satya:
- Jains must always be truthful.
- Jains must always conduct business honestly.
- Dishonesty by not doing something is as bad as being actively dishonest.
Non-stealing - Achaurya or Asteya
- Jains must not steal
- Jains must not cheat
- Jains must not avoid paying tax
Chastity - Bramacharya
- Jains must have sex only with the person they are married to.
- Jains must avoid sexual indulgence even with that person.
- Jains must give up sex, if possible, after the marriage has yielded a son.
Non-possession - Aparigraha
- Jains must only possess what they need.
- Jains must use surplus possessions to benefit others.
- Jains must live simply.
- Jains must not use too many resources.

The three Gunavratas

The Gunavratas are known as the Subsidiary Vows:

Limited area of activity - Dik vrata
- By this vow a lay Jain restricts the extent to which they travel, so as to reduce the area in which they may do harm.
Limited use of resources - Bhoga-Upbhoga vrata
- Jains should limit their use of things like food and clothing according to what they need.
Avoidance of pointless sins - Anartha-danda vrata
- Thinking or speaking badly of other people.
- Being inconsiderate (and not just to people).
- Being self-indulgent.
- Reading, watching or listening to immoral material.

The four Siksavratas

The Siksavratas are known as the Vows of Instruction or Discipline:

Meditation vow - Samayik vrata
- Jains should carry out sitting meditation in one place for 48 minutes each day.
Limited duration of activity vow - Desavakasika
- Jains should restrict certain activities to specific times.
Limited ascetic's life vow - Pausadha vrata
- Jains should regularly adopt the life of a monk for a day.
Limited charity vow - Siksavratas

Jains should give to monks, nuns and the poor.

***

It's always hard for me to start on new religions, so I'm going to spend most of the day studying, preparing texts and meditating. I'll obviously adhere to the vows as much as I can today, but I have yet to formulate exactly how my days are likely to go.

The core concept of this religion seems to be that of non-violence, asceticism, and spiritual liberation with an ultimate goal of freedom from the karmic cycle which will lead to enlightenment. I'm liking what I'm learning so far, but it looks like this one will take a lot of personal sacrifice.

It's easy to copy and paste rules and make the claim that I'm going to follow them, however, it's really hard to simply alter my life just like that. I've devised a plan of attack to assist me.

First of all, since eating is huge part of life and I should technically only eat when its offered to me, I have decided to reduce my foot intake as well as my resource consumption by not carrying any money. I work close enough to my house if an emergency were to happen, so that won't be a problem. As for meals, my wife and I are going to work out an offering system so it doesn't turn into a master-slave relationship. I'm not into that.

I've also decided to shave my head this weekend. I'm doing so because if I were to keep my hair, I know that I would be distracted by it and this month places such a huge emphasis on detachment, that I think it's time that I move beyond my fear of haircuts and my absurd attachment to it.

So rather than rambling on and on about my plans for this month, let me just say that after work, I plan on going home, riding my bike with the dog for about an hour and meditating for an hour or so. I have a lot of reading to do and have to memorize my new mantra.

Namo Arihantânam	I bow to the Arihantâs (Prophets).
Namo Siddhânam	I bow to the Siddhâs (Liberated Souls).
Namo Âyariyânam	I bow to the Âchâryas (Preceptors or Spiritual Leaders).
Namo Uvajjhâyanam	I bow to the Upadhyâya (Teachers).
Namo Loe Savva Sahûnam	I bow to all the Sadhûs (Saints).
Eso Panch Namokkaro, Savva Pâvappanâsano Mangalanam Cha Savvesim, Padhamam Havai Mangalam	This fivefold bow (mantra) destroys all sins and obstaclesand of all auspicious mantras, is the first and foremost one.

Day 30

2010-06-30T06:43:00.000+09:00

I started this month with high expectations and despite the World Cup distractions, I never really lost sight of how amazing Quakerism and Friends are. I learned a lot about myself, my family and the nature of God. It's really impressive how much of an impact Friends have had on the world and on my nation. And while their numbers don't seem to be increasing much, I will always respect them for what they have revealed to me.

From what you experienced, what was the best part of Quakerism?

Wow! That's really a difficult question. I wan't to say tolerance and progression, but those are too obvious. There were so many different elements of the religion that really worked for me and, to be honest, it was a journey that revealed itself one step at a time. At first, I loved the idea of oneness with God. Since that is the backbone of the religion, it was probably the most inspiring. Viewing people in that fashion makes equality much easier to practice. As the month progressed, I found myself really digging the simplicity of the approach. It was to-the-point and inspiring to practice Christianity in such a raw form. For the first time, I saw Christianity as I believe it was intended to be viewed and used. The whole thing was really great and it's impossible to pinpoint a favorite part.

What improvements, if any, did you witness in yourself?

I think I learned the value of silence during my Buddhist month, so sitting in silence wasn't new. I think Ham Seok-heon really connected the dots for me. He spoke very eloquently about the need for personal honesty and reflection, yet he tied it in so well with how we can use that time to understand the true nature of God. Humans have the power to channel God's wisdom, charity and passion if they only allow themselves to recognize it, however people are so diluted by their own false realities and perceptions of themselves to realize that. I'm really going to try and become more honest with myself.

What was the most annoying aspect of the religion for you?

I had to really think about this one. In my short month, there really wasn't anything that turned me off, but I guess one thing would be the fact that Quakers don't celebrate Christmas. I love Christmas and even though I'm very aware that Jesus wasn't born on December 25th, it's a great time to get together with family and enjoy each others company. It'd be a shame not to have that time.

You went to Meetings, were you comfortable in that setting?

I thought they were going to be very awkward, but I found them to be really warm and welcoming. Three meetings isn't really enough to get the full experience though. Spending time in silence with other Friends is something that can't really be described. It was a deeply enriching opportunity for me and one that I hope to pass on to friends and family.

Are you more proud of your ancestors because of their Quaker past?

Absolutely!!! I can honestly say that I am beyond proud. More than that, I have really started to concern myself with preserving a record for my own descendants. My family is wild for family history and luckily we've been blessed with some great record keepers. I can do my part and hopefully will also make my family proud.

Would you ever consider becoming a Quaker?

Yes. I'd have to gauge the vibe at my local Meeting, but Quakerism is certainly something that I could embrace. It's a wonderful religion.

Any last comments?

Take some time and read Ham Seok-heon. He was truly an amazing man and faced some serious hardships, but never lost sight of what was right. Be honest with yourself first and then you will realize how God's power works. Equality is easy when God dwells within us all.

Day 29

2010-06-29T18:27:00.004+09:00

Thoughts from the wife...

From what you saw and heard, what was the best part of Quakerism for you?

I wasn't that involved personally this month except for the fact that George talked to me a lot about it. I didn't go to his little meetings, so I'm not sure exactly what was going on there aside from what he reported. However, I am sort of intrigued by the silence. George won't stop talking about how primitive the whole thing felt and I know he really connected with some parts of it. I guess I liked the idea that Quakers must value everyone equally. As a Korean woman, that really spoke to me. Equality is something that all people should believe in.

What improvements, if any, did you witness in your husband?

Are you going to ask me this question every month? If I'm supposed to say that he improved a lot each month, then I guess I can expect an amazing husband at this end of this thing. It's hard to witness marked improvement because some of these religions blend together. I like the fact that he got really into his family roots this month. It made me feel good about his commitment to family and to, well, commitment. He has become more aware of wasting energy, but he talks about his leg muscles too much now. They're not that impressive yet, but when your legs were as small as his were, any improvement is huge.

What was the most annoying aspect of the religion for you?

There wasn't anything annoying for me really. I think, however, that George could get annoying if he started following all the Quaker causes and got to a point where all he would do is talk about social problems and how to change them. My only concern about Quakers is that they get too excited about being in the fringe and since they are a fringe group, they have much less a burden and, therefore, can change their opinion without any real consequences. George thinks this is the best part, but I'm not sure I agree.

What do you think of silent worship?

I think that is great. Some of my favorite times in church have been the silent times. An hour seems long, but we all need time to think about our relationships with God and the world.

Do you think George was biased this month because of his family connection to Quakers?

George is always biased. It's funny to see him get excited about stuff because I know why he's overreacting way before he even realizes it. Of course he got more into it because of his family. I have seen that house in Indiana about forty times this month and each time, a new story gets tacked to it. My concern is that he'll use this family connection to push Quakerism ahead of other religions even though he didn't feel as much a connection.

Would you ever consider becoming a Quaker?

This question never goes away either. I think that Quakerism is pretty interesting and I like the work they do. However, when George and I move to the US and start a family, I'm going to be looking for a community to get involved in. I understand that there might be a Quaker church in the area, but moving to the US is not as easy for me as it is for George. If we were to be Quakers, my pool of friends and experiences would be limited to the one Quaker church in the area. I'm still set on continuing Protestantism for myself, my spirituality and my family. George likes to brush it off, but our family is going to be a little different from others and while uniqueness is a virtue, isolation is not something I want to deal with. At least in the beginning, I cannot see myself joining a Quaker church.

Next month is Jainism. Are you excited?

I have no idea what to expect. George keeps telling me he can't use money, eat food without it being offered and is going back to vegetarianism. Oh, and he told me that he's planning on shaving his head this weekend. It'll be one long month I think.

Day 28

2010-06-28T13:44:00.001+09:00

It's hard to do things that go against the wishes of your family, friends, society and country. Some things might be small like getting a tattoo, taking a break from school or getting involved with a girl that all your friends hate and others might be much much bigger. I have managed to stay somewhere around the realm of acceptability for most of my life, although I'd be lying to claim that I haven't pushed against the defined walls of familial, societal and cultural norms.

I know that my friends and family think that I've been in Asia about four years too long --a belief that I simultaneously agree and disagree with. I understand their concern, but I also must do what I know to be right for myself and my wife. I would venture to guess that marrying a "foreigner" for both my wife and I also isn't the most acceptable thing to do in our respective nations. Yet, I made the best decision for myself without being constrained by the norm. Bucking the trend isn't something I've really made a habit of. I have neither been a trend setter nor have I been bent on rejecting it. Maybe I've just kind of sat out on the whole thing.

So, yesterday some Friends were talking about having a religious change of heart and how difficult such a transformation has been for them. They lost friends and many people openly ostracized them in front of other people. For some reason, religious folks see a change of heart as a betrayal rather than an awakening. Ask Yusef Islam (Cat Stevens). He knows all about the pain and suffering one must go through when converting. And while the people around you might have some anger towards you for changing your religion, the real challenge seems to be inside. It's a personal battle within your own mind.

Changing religions every thirty days is downright confusing for my mind, soul and body. I have had some very real moments so far that many people would call an awakening or an epiphany, yet I must be careful not to let myself put everything down and move to the holy land. It's a challenge, but the real challenge is this: what happens if when I finish this whole thing and have decided to choose a religion that bucks the American Protestant/Catholic trend? Is my upbringing and Christian guilt going to allow me to pursue my heart? Is my nation going to let me follow through on one of its founding principles and practice any religion I choose?

A change of heart isn't as simple when it comes to religion. George Fox knew that in the 1600s and my Friends here know that now.

Day 27

2010-06-27T12:21:00.000+09:00

Wow! That was a wild night of soccer. My wife and I headed to one of the Han River parks for the ROK-URG game where several gigantic screens were set up for viewing and a stage for hours of pre-game entertainment. I had decided that bringing Bear would be the best option since there were going to be well over 100,000 people down there cheering in the same area and if I had Bear then maybe he would scare most people away (Koreans don't like big dogs) and we would get a nice large seating area. I was right for about three hours, but as more and more people started filing in, their support for the team overrode their fear of extra-cute dogs.

However, about an hour before the game started, the rain came pouring down. We weathered the first half and then headed home on the bikes for the second. Korea lost, but they played well. After the game, my disappointed wife went to sleep and I powered through until the US-GHA game only to find myself equally disappointed. So for me, this World Cup is essentially over and hopefully soccer won't take too much time from this project anymore.

Since today is Sunday that means I had to venture out to my Meeting and I've gotta be honest here; it was a hell of a battle. I was a mixture of tired, hungry and angry and none of those fair well for sitting in a quiet worship service. I made it out there though. I was a little late, but it was alright. I made my way into the brick building, up the stairs and walked into the room. No one was there. Not a single soul, but the candle was burning on the table, so I figured I would be the one to start the worship (with my presence). I sat down next to a window and kicked my legs out in from of me. My eyes slowly shut and just like that, I was out.

The next thing I remember was the sound of shuffling feet which jarred me from my light doze. I figured it was time to worship, but apparently I was wrong. The worship had concluded. I slept through the whole thing. The shuffling sound was from the feet of the other two people there. The three of us chatted briefly about a few things, but none of them had been Quakers for more than a year, so the conversation was a bit stale.

I did learn that both of them (Korean) had decided to join the Meeting because they had grown tired of their Presbyterian churches. One gentlemen felt that his church had become too social while the other one felt that the elders at his church were too judgmental.

Kim: Well, why did you join this Meeting?

Me: Um...

I honestly didn't know what to say. I had thought about my response to this question before, but never really formulated it. I pulled an easy one out for the save.

Me: ...some of my ancestors were Friends in the US, so I guess that kind of tweaked my curiosity.

They were bored with my response and used that as a springboard to discuss the challenges of changing religious heart. It was pretty interesting, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow for that.

Day 26

2010-06-26T20:52:00.001+09:00

I've never really had a good body. That never bothered me though. I've always been very comfortable to take my shirt off in any situation. In fact, if you were to ask many of my friends from college (and even Korea) what they thought of when they imagine me shirtless (odd question though), they would say that I have tiny nipples. And they'd be right. My nipples are roughly the same exact size as dimes. These bad-boys are super small. I used that as a deflection from my average and shapeless body. It worked and after changing the story for over a decade, I can honestly say that I am 100% confident with my body no matter its shape or audience. I have my shirt off right now actually.

I guess I should say that Korean coins don't work with my nipple size. It's a shame, but my past time in Korea has been seeing if my chicken legs are as skinny as my moderately sized arms. A few years ago, my wife (then girlfriend) and I were in the zoo at the flamingo exhibit chatting it up when one flamingo walked up to us and just sort of stared. My wife started laughing hysterically and which point I asked her in adorably mispronounced Korea, 왜? (Why?). I already knew what she was laughing at. The damn flamingo was big-timing me right in front of my new girlfriend. It was alright. I was very well aware of my legs' boyish girth.

If you may recall, I decided that I would not ride any form of transportation for the entire month. I tried my best, but had to pick my wife up twice and will have gone to my Meeting four times (three successful) by the end of it, but all other times I managed to bike it. Just a few moments ago I stepped out of the shower to notice that my legs have gotten pretty strong this month. I also realized that hills are no problem for me anymore. So, I reduced my carbon footprint and got some sweet leg muscles in the process. That's what Quakers call win-win.

Seriously though, quitting motorcycles, cars, buses and subways was harder than I thought it would, but I feel really good about it. I am addicted to oil in so many ways and I'm going to be pushing to gets some minutes recorded at tomorrow's Meeting about the current oil spill and ways that I can reduce my intake according to Quaker methods.

As for me, I'd like to share an idea or two.

I know a lot of people are gunning for BP and other oil execs and they deserve to go down for this big time, but my concern is not them. Being overly concerned with those guys amounts to revenge and I'm not about that. What we need to learn from this is that life is more fragile than any amount of technology or money can solve or manage. Two months after the initial explosion, the oil is still spilling and no amount of technology can undo what has been done.

We had the power to create this problem, so we should have to power to solve it then. Quakers want to solve problems so they don't occur again. They seek out the cause. The solution to this problem is not a cap or a temporary moratorium on drilling. No, the solution is that we should force ourselves to suffer a little in order to reduce the suffering of this planet. I'm tired of quick-fixes and the environment and earth--both are sweet gifts to us from God--deserve better.

Both Korea and US play tonight. Win or loss, I'm happy with both of them. Still, I hope both teams win and get to meet in the Quarterfinals.

Day 25

2010-06-25T20:23:00.001+09:00

Sometimes life rewards you and an out-of-nowhere day off lands right in your lap. I needed it, too. World Cup has worn me out. What am I going to do though? In high school, I would have spent this time hitting the back-roads, wasting time in coffee shops or playing hackey-sack. In college, I would have probably spent the day sitting in a tree, getting stoned or drinking warm whiskey while having a dance party. In Korea, I would have spent my time reading, writing or drinking. All of them were enjoyable at their appropriate station in life. Now, however, I'm not really sure how to spend my time. Having a wife and dog limits free time, but since my wife is taking sewing classes and still working a bit, I have nothing to do. Nice.

I think I'll use today as an excuse to share a few thoughts. Sound good?

You know what my dream is?

I'd like to somehow earn enough money on my own so my wife and I would never be tied to a job, city or country. Don't get me wrong, the US is my home and always will be, but I want the freedom to be able to live a life where I can have a say as to how much or how little I work and earn. And after I earn enough money, I'd like to open a summer camp. Three months a year, it would be bustling with kids eager to swim, canoe, climb, sew, chop wood, camp, build fires, mountain bike and learn true respect for each other and the environment.

Simply put, I want simplicity. If Quakerism and Buddhism taught me anything, it was nothing really good can come from abundance. Maybe it's stupid, but a dream is what it is and I see no reason why any of us should be forced into a life that we don't want.

John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

Ham Seok-heon said, "Happiness occurs while you're seeking the meaning of life."

I say that "Dreams can't occur unless you allow yourself to dream first."

I don't want to regret my time on Earth and I'm going to make sure I do everything in my power to ensure that when I'm on my deathbed, I can go out not with a smile, but one final and deliberate breath of the very same air that carried me through a fulfilling life.